Is death painful?

Answer:

I have been told that death is very painful, even for the believer, and this pain is experienced regardless of how you die and regardless of your level of piety and good deeds in this life. Is this true?

Question:

Sheikh Salman al-Oadah

Ibn Hazm wrote a short epistle entitled “Refuting the Idea that Death is Painful”. He argues in it that there is no pain in death whatsoever. The only pain is that of the sickness that we cope with at the end of our lives. He also says that when we observe a dying person’s behaviour, it gives no indication that death itself is a painful process.

Likewise, Ibn Miskawayh wrote: “A Treatise on the Fear of Death” where he addressed this topic in a similar manner.

The Qur’an talks about “the intoxication of death” (sakarāt al-mawt). Intoxication refers to a befuddlement of the mind or the loss of consciousness. It does not indicate pain.

The “intoxication of death” that the Prophet suffered from is mentioned in the Sunnah. On the last day of the Prophet’s life, his daughter Fatimah witnessed his suffering. So she said: “How my father is suffering!” To these words, the Prophet remarked: “He will not suffer any more when today is over.” [Sahīh al-Bukhārī]

Some scholars mention that the intoxication of death may expiate for some of a person’s sins.

The Qur’an speaks about the death of the wicked: “If you could see when the wrong-doers reach the throes of death and the angels stretch their hands out saying: ‘Deliver up your souls’.” [Sūrah al-An`ām: 93]

“If you could see how the angels receive those who disbelieve, smiting their faces and backs, saying: ‘Taste the punishment of burning!’” [Sūrah al-Anfāl: 50]

Al-Barā’ related from the Prophet that the believer’s soul emerges from the body the way water flows from the mouth of a waterskin. [Sunan Abī Dāwūd] This indicates that the transition is easy.

As for the unbelievers and hypocrites, their souls are ripped from their bodies like a metal comb rips through wet wool.

The Prophet is reported to have said: “The believer dies with but sweat on his brow.” [Sunan al-Tirmidhī]

This can be understood in many ways. It can be taken to mean that a believer’s death is easy. The Prophet’s brow broke out in sweat right before his passing, and those who were with him wiped it off.

And Allah knows best.

IslamToday

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‎25 Ways to Enter Jannah (Paradise)

We all want to enter Jannah but are we sincerely striving for it? There are multiple ways to attain the pleasure of Allah SWT and enter His Jannah. Allah SWT has made it easy for us to enter His Jannah but some of us forget this due to an ‘attachment’ to this temporary worldly life!

Following are some hadiths which will show us 25 ways or good deeds to enter the Jannah. Remember, these are not the ‘only’ 25 ways and there should be ‘sincerity’ and ‘consistency’ in these acts to get Jannat-ul-Firdause InshaAllah 

1. Whoever meets Allah without ascribing anything to Him will enter Jannah. (Sahih al-Bukhari)
2. Whoever believes (has Imaan) in Allah and His Messenger (peace be upon him), and establishes the prayer and fasts in the month of Ramadan, it is incumbent upon Allah that He enters him in Jannah. (Sahih al-Bukhari)
3. Whoever says: “I am pleased with Allah as my Rabb, and with Islam as my Deen, and with Muhammad (peace be upon him) as my Prophet, Jannah would be mandatory for him. (Sunan Abu Dawud)
4. Whoever asks Allah for Jannah three times, Jannah will say: “O Allah, enter him into Jannah.” (Jami` at-Tirmidhi)
5. Whoever says “SubhanAllah al-Adthim wa Bihamdihi (Glorified and Exalted is Allah, The Great, and with His Praise), a date-palm tree will planted for him in Jannah. (Jami` at-Tirmidhi)
Visit: 99 Names of Allah
6. Allah has Ninety Nine Names, one hundred minus one, and whoever believes in their meanings and acts accordingly, will enter Jannah. (Sahih al-Bukhari)
7. Indeed, truthfulness leads to righteousness and indeed righteousness leads to Jannah. (Sahih al-Bukhari)
8. Whoever builds a Masjid seeking by it the Pleasure of Allah, Allah will build for him a similar place in Jannah. (Sahih al-Bukhari)
9. Whoever repeats after the Mu’adthin (the caller to prayer) from his heart (i.e., sincerely) will enter Jannah. (Sunan an-Nasa’i)
10. Whoever calls the Adhan for 12 years, Jannah will become mandatory for him. (Sunan Ibn Majah)
11. Whoever prays the two cool prayers (Asr and Fajr) will go to Paradise. (Sahih al-Bukhari)
12. Allah will prepare for him who goes to the mosque (every) morning and in the afternoon (for the congregational prayer) an honorable place in Paradise with good hospitality for (what he has done) every morning and afternoon goings. (Sahih al-Bukhari)
13. Any one performs the ablution perfectly and then offers 2 rak’ahs of prayers concentrating on them with his heart and face, paradise will necessarily fall to his lot. (Sunan Abu Dawud)
14. Whoever prays 12 Rak’ah in the day and night, a house in Jannah will be built for him. (Sunan an-Nasa’i)
15. Whoever takes a path in search of knowledge, Allah will make easy for him the path to Jannah. (Jami` at-Tirmidhi)
16. I saw a man going about in Jannah (and enjoying himself) as a reward for cutting from the middle of the road, a tree which was causing inconvenience to the Muslims. (Muslim)
17. Whoever can guarantee (the chastity of) what is between his two jaw-bones and what is between his two legs (i.e. his tongue and his private parts), I guarantee Paradise for him. (Sahih al-Bukhari)
18. Anyone whose soul leaves his body and he is free of three things, will enter Jannah: Arrogance, stealing from the spoils of war, and debt. (Sunan Ibn Majah)
19. Whoever raises two girls then I and he will enter Jannah like these two (Prophet indicated with his two fingers). (Jami` at-Tirmidhi)
20. Whoever visits an ailing person or a brother of his to seek the Pleasure of Allah, an announcer (angel) calls out: “May you be happy, may your walking be blessed, and may you be awarded a dignified position in Jannah”. (Jami` at-Tirmidhi)
21. Allah guarantees him who strives in His Cause and whose motivation for going out is nothing but Jihad in His Cause and belief in His Word, that He will admit him into Jannah. (Sahih al-Bukhari)
22. O people, spread the Salaam (greetings), feed the hungry, and pray while the people are asleep, you will enter Jannah in peace. (Sunan Ibn Majah)
23. (The performance of) Umrah is an expiation for the sins committed between it and the previous Umrah; and the reward of Hajj Mabrur (i.e., one accepted) is nothing but Jannah. (Sahih al-Bukhari)
24. Whosoever last words are: La ilaha illa Allah, will enter Paradise. (Sunan Abu Dawud)
25. O Allah, You are my Lord, none has the right to be worshipped except You, You created me and I am Your servant and I abide to Your covenant and promise as best I can, I take refuge in You from the evil of which I committed. I acknowledge Your favor upon me and I acknowledge my sin, so forgive me, for verily none can forgive sin except You (Allāhumma anta rabbī lā ilāha illā anta, khalaqtanī wa ana `abduka, wa ana `alā `ahdika wa wa`dika ma-staṭa`tu. A`ūdhu bika min sharri ma ṣana`tu, wa abū’u ilayka bini`matika `alayya wa a`tarifu bidhunūbī faghfirlī dhunūbī innahu lā yaghfirudh-dhunūba illā ant). If somebody recites this invocation during the day, and if he should die then, he will be from the people of Jannah. And if he recites it in the night, and if he should die on the same day, he will be from the people of Jannah.” (Jami` at-Tirmidhi)

May Allah SWT forgive all our sins, help us to stay on the right path and unite us in His Jannat-ul-Firdause. Ameen.

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The Power of Istighfar – Astaghfirullah (I seek forgiveness of Allah)

People often forget the importance of the simple yet powerful dua (supplication) – Istighfar i.e., saying “Astaghfirullah” (I seek forgiveness of Allah). Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) recited this at least 100 times a day. Let us see the benefits and virtues of reciting this simple beautiful supplication insha Allah.
Istighfar (Astaghfirullah) is the gateway of relief and happiness. Whenever you are in distress start reciting it and Insha Allah it will take you out of your anxiety and will put you in a peaceful situation and will give you happiness.

• Istighfar removes anxiety and duas are answered.
• Istighfar opens the door of sustenance.
• Istighfar opens the door of mercy.
• Istighfar opens the door of knowledge.
• Istighfar is also gateway of productivity.
• Istighfar relieves you. When you feel that sadness within you, when you are disturbed and frustrated, when anxiety surrounds you, say “Astaghfirullah” “Astaghfirullah”…
• Reciting Astaghfiruallah is an effective method of calming our self and wipes away the variety of worldly worries from our mind and body. It may also help us, if we are suffering from depression, it calm us and lessen our depression.
• Astaghfirullah also helps us to refrain from all forms of sins. Regularly saying this reminds us that Allah is everywhere and in this way there is very small chances of doing wrongful actions.
• Ibn Abbas (May Allah be pleased with them) said: The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said,

“If anyone constantly seeks pardon (from Allah), Allah will appoint for him a way out of every distress and a relief from every anxiety, and will provide sustenance for him from where he expects not.” [Abu Dawud].

In another hadith, Abdullah bin Abbas (May Allah be pleased with them) narrates that Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) said:

“The one who (regularly) says Istighfaar, that is, frequently repent to Allah Ta’aala for sins committed, Allah Azza Wa-Jal will open a path from poverty and difficulties. All sorrow and hardship will be removed, and in its place prosperity and contentment granted. One will receive sustenance from unimagined and unexpected sources.”

Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) has said in another Hadith:

“The one who seeks forgiveness for Muslim males and females from Allah Ta’aala twenty six or twenty five times every day, Allah Ta’ala will count that person among those whose Du’a is accepted, and through the barakah of whom those on earth gain Rizq (sustenance).”

Do Tasbih of Astaghfaar at least 100 times daily as it is the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).

In one minute, you can say “Astaghfiru Allaah” more than 100 times! The virtue of seeking forgiveness is well-known, it is a reason of obtaining forgiveness, entering Paradise, having good provisions, increasing one’s strength, repelling harm, having affairs facilitated, the descent of rain, and increasing in wealth and children.

The doors of repentance are always open therefore don’t delay your repentance in a hope of tomorrow, as tomorrow is uncertain , Repent now and make it a habit to ask Allah’s forgiveness by reciting “Astaghfirullah”.

Say I believe in Allah’s mercy, I have sinned, I have gone astray, I have been negligent, but still I believe in Allah’s soothing mercy and forgiveness, I’ll not despair!
IMPORTANCE OF ISTIGHFAR FROM THE QURAN:

One of the 99 Names of Allah is Al-Ghaffaar (الْغَفَّارُ) – The Great Forgiver The Forgiver, the One who forgives the sins of His slaves time and time again. There are numerous verses in the Quran about the importance of asking for forgiveness of Allah SWT. Here are few of them:


And (commanding you): “Seek the forgiveness of your Lord, and turn to Him in repentance, that He may grant you good enjoyment, for a term appointed, and bestow His abounding Grace to every owner of grace (i.e. the one who helps and serves needy and deserving, physically and with his wealth, and even with good words). But if you turn away, then I fear for you the torment of a Great Day (i.e. the Day of Resurrection). [Hud 11:3]

Declare (O Muhammad SAW) unto My slaves, that truly, I am the Oft-Forgiving, the Most-Merciful. [Al-Hijr 15:49]

Then, verily! Your Lord for those who do evil (commit sins and are disobedient to Allâh) in ignorance and afterward repent and do righteous deeds, verily, your Lord thereafter, (to such) is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. [An-Nahl 16:119]

Your Lord knows best what is in your inner-selves. If you are righteous, then, verily, He is Ever Most Forgiving to those who turn unto Him again and again in obedience, and in repentance. [Al-Isra 17:25]

And verily, I am indeed Forgiving to him who repents, believes (in My Oneness, and associates none in worship with Me) and does righteous good deeds, and then remains constant in doing them, (till his death). [Ta-Ha 20:82]

And say (O Muhammad SAW): “My Lord! Forgive and have mercy, for You are the Best of those who show mercy!” [Al-Mumenoon 23:118]

Need more verses? Read the Quran! There are plenty of verses about the importance of seeking forgiveness. Some verses are addressing the previous Prophets and their people. But these are again addressing us since Allah SWT wants us to learn from the story of previous people – His acceptance of forgiveness from them and His severe punishments for the ignorant groups. So did you say “Astagfirullah” (I seek forgiveness of Allah) 100 times today?

Source: The Quran, Authentic Hadiths and Productive Muslim.

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Best Times to make Dua (Supplication)

There are certain times dua (supplication) is more likely to be accepted by Allah (SWT) as mentioned by Prophet (SAW). These times are as follows:

1. The Last Third Of The Night
Abu Hurairah (RA) narrated that Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said: 'In the last third of every night our Rabb (Cherisher and Sustainer) (Allah (SWT)) descends to the lowermost heaven and says; "Who is calling Me, so that I may answer him? Who is asking Me so that may I grant him? Who is seeking forgiveness from Me so that I may forgive him?."' [Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith Qudsi]

Amr ibn Absah narrated that the Prophet said: 'The closest any worshipper can be to His Lord is during the last part of the night, so if you can be amongst those who remember Allah at that time, then do so.'[at-Tirmidhi, an-Nasa'i, al-Hakim - Sahih]

2. Late at night
When people are sleeping and busy with worldly pleasures Allah (SWT) gives the believers an opportunity, or an answer hour if they can fight sleep and invoke Allah (SWT) for whatever they need. The Prophet (SAW) said: 'There is at night an hour, no Muslim happens to be asking Allah any matter of this world or the Hereafter, except that he will be given it, and this (occurs) every night.'
[Muslim #757]

3. Between Adhan and Iqamah
Anas (RA) narrated that Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said: 'A supplication made between the Adhan and Iqama is not rejected.'
[Ahmad, abu Dawud #521, at-Tirmidhi #212, Sahih al-Jami #3408, an-Nasai and Ibn Hibban graded it sahih (sound)]

4. An Hour On Friday
Narrated Abu Hurairah (RA): Allah’s Messenger (SAW) talked about Friday and said: 'There is an hour on Friday and if a Muslim gets it while offering Salat (prayer) and asks something from Allah (SWT), then Allah (SWT) will definitely meet his demand.' And he (the Prophet (SAW) pointed out the shortness of that particular time with his hands.[Sahih al-Bukhari]

Some have said that this hour is from the time the Imam (prayer’s leader) enters the mosque on Friday’s prayer until the prayer is over (ie between the two khutbahs), whereas others have said that it is the last hour of the day (ie after the Asr prayer until the Maghrib prayer).

5. While Drinking Zamzam Water
Jaber (RA) narrated that Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said: 'Zamzam water is for what it is drunk for.' [Ahmad 3: 357 and Ibn Majah #3062]. This means that when you drink Zamzam water you may ask Allah (SWT) for anything you like to gain or benefit from this water such as healing from illness.... etc.

6. While Prostrating
Abu Hurairah (RA) narrated that Allah’s Messenger (SAW), said: 'The nearest a slave can be to his Lord is when he is prostrating, so invoke (supplicate) Allah (SWT) much in it. [Muslim, abu Dawud, an-Nasa'i and others, Sahih al-Jami #1175]

When a Muslim is in his Salat (prayer) he is facing Allah (SWT) and when he prostrates he is the nearest he can be to Allah (SWT) so it is best to invoke Allah (SWT) at this time. It is said that while in prostration, one should not ask for worldy needs (ie a nice car, a new job, etc), but for the Hereafter.

7. When Waking Up at Night
Narrated Ubada Bin As-Samit that Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said: 'Whomever wakes up at night and says La ilaha illallahu wahdahu la shrika lahu lahulmulku, wa lahul hamdu, wa huwa ala kulli shai'in qadir. Alhamdu lillahi, wa subhanallahi wa la ilaha illallahu, wallah akbir, wa la hawla wala quwata illa billah (none has the right to be worshipped but Allah (SWT) He is the only one who has no partners. His is the kingdom and all the praises are for Allah (SWT) All the glories are for Allah (SWT) And none has the right to be worshipped but Allah (SWT) and Allah (SWT) is the most Great and there is neither might nor power except with Allah (SWT) and then says, Allahumma ighfir li (O Allah! Forgive me) or invokes Allah (SWT), he will be responded to and if he makes ablution and performs Salat (prayer), his Salat (prayer) will be accepted. [Sahih al-Bukhari]

8. At The End Of The Obligatory Salat:
Narrated Abu Omamah (RA): that Allah’s Messenger (SAW) was asked, O Messenger of Allah, which supplication is heard (by Allah (SWT), he said the end of the night and at the end of the obligatory Salat (prayer) [at-Tirmidhi]. This time is after saying 'At-tahyat' , and before making Tasleem (finishing prayer)

9. The Night Of 'Qadr' (Decree)
This night is the greatest night of the year. This is the night which the almighty Allah (SWT) said about it, "The night of Al-Qadar (Decree) is better than a thousand months." [Surah al-Qadr, 97: 3]

The Night of Decree is one of the odd nights of the last ten nights of the blessed month of Ramadan. The angels descend down to the earth, and the earth is overwhelmed with peace and serenity until the break of dawn and when he doors of Paradise are opened, the worshipper is encouraged to turn to Allah to ask for his needs for this world and the Hereafter.

10. During The Rain
Narrated Sahel Ibn Sa'ad (RA): that the Messenger of Allah (SAW) said: 'Two will not be rejected, Supplication when the Adhan (call of prayer) is being called, and at the time of the rain'. [Al-Hakim 2: 114, and Abu Dawud #2540, ibn Majah]

'Seek the response to your du'as when the armies meet, and the prayer is called, and when rain falls' [reported by Imam al-Shafi' in al-Umm, al-Sahihah #1469]. The time of the rain is a time of mercy from Allah (SWT) so, one should take advantage of this time when Allah (SWT) is having mercy on His slaves.

11. At the Adhan 

'Seek the response to your du'as when the armies meet, and the prayer is called, and when rain falls' [reported by Imam al-Shafi' in al-Umm, al-Sahihah #1469]

In another hadith; 'When the prayer is called, the doors of the skies are opened, and the du'a is answered' [al-Tayalisi in his Musnad #2106, al-Sahihah #1413]

12. The One Who Is Suffering Injustice and Opression

The Messenger of Allah (SAW) said to Mua'ad Ibn Jabal (RA), 'Beware of the supplication of the unjustly treated, because there is no shelter or veil between it (the supplication of the one who is suffering injustice) and Allah (SWT)' [Sahih Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

The prophet (SAW) declared, 'Three men whose dua is never rejected (by Allah) are: the fasting person until he breaks his fast (in another narration, when he breaks fast), the just ruler and the one who is oppressed.'[Ahmad, at-Tirmidhi - Hasan]

In another hadith; The Prophet (SAW) declared: 'Three du'as are surely answered: The du'a of the oppressed, the du'a of the traveler, and the du'a of the father/mother (upon their child)'. The One who is suffering injustice is heard by Allah (SWT) when he invokes Allah (SWT) to retain his rights from the unjust one or oppressor. Allah (SWT) has sworn to help the one who is suffering from injustice sooner or later as the Messenger of Allah (SAW) said.

13. The Traveler
The Messenger of Allah (SAW) said; Three supplications will not be rejected (by Allah (SWT)), the supplication of the parent for his child, the supplication of the one who is fasting, and the supplication of the traveler. [al-Bayhaqi, at-Tirmidhi - Sahih]

During travel supplication is heard by Allah (SWT) if the trip is for a good reason, but if the trip is for a bad intention or to perform illegal things (making sins) this will not apply to it.

14. The Parent's Supplication for their Child 

The Messenger of Allah (SAW) said; Three supplications will not be rejected (by Allah (SWT)), the supplication of the parent for his child, the supplication of the one who is fasting, and the supplication of the traveler. [al-Bayhaqi, at-Tirmidhi - Sahih]

15. Dua after praising Allah and giving salat on the Prophet (SAW) in the tashahhud at the end of salat.

Narrated Faddalah ibn Ubayd (RA): that the Messenger of Allah (SAW) said: 'When anyone of you makes du'a, let him start by glorifying his Lord and praising Him, then let him send blessings upon the Prophet (SAW), then let him pray for whatever he wants'
[abu Dawud #1481, at-Tirmidhi #3477]

In another hadith; Baqiy ibn Mukhallid (RA) narrated that that the Messenger of Allah (SAW) said: 'Every du'a is not responded to until one sends blessings upon the Prophet (SAW)' [al-Bayhaqi]

In another hadith; Umar (RA) narrated that the Prophet (SAW) said: 'Du'a is detained between the heavens and the earth and no part of it is taken up until you send blessings upon your Prophet (SAW)' [at-Tirmidhi #486]

After a person has finished his tashahhud and before saying the 'salam', supplication at this time is one likely to be responded to.
Ibn Mas'ud narrates: I was once praying, and the Prophet (SAW), Abu Bakr and Umar (were all present). When I sat down (in the final tashahhud), I praised Allah, then sent salams on the Prophet, then started praying for myself. At this, the Prophet (SAW) said:
'Ask, and you shall be given it! Ask, and you shall be given it!' [at-Tirmidhi #593 - hasan, Mishkat al-Misbah #931]

16. The dua of a Muslim for his absent brother or sister Muslim stemming from the heart.

The prophet (SAW) said: 'There is no believing servant who supplicates for his brother in his absence where the angels do not say, 'the same be for you'' [Muslim]

17. Dua on the Day of Arafat 

The Messenger of Allah (SAW) said: 'The best supplication is the supplication on the day of Arafat'. [at-Tirmidhi and Malik]

The day of Arafat is the essence and pinnacle of Hajj. On this great and momentous day, millions of worshippers gather together on one plain, from every corner of the world, with only one purpose in mind - to respone to the call of their Creator. During this auspicious day, Allah does not refuse the requests of His worshippers.

18. Dua during the month of Ramadan

Ramadan is month full of many blessings, thus the du'a of Ramadan is a blessed one. This can be inferred from the Prophet (SAW) saying: 'When Ramadan comes, the Doors of Mercy (another narration says Paradise) are opened, and the doors of Hell are closed, and the Shaitans are locked up' Thus, it is clear that du'a during Ramadan has a greater chance of being accepted, as the Gates of Paradise and Mercy are opened. [Sahih al-Bukhari #1899, Muslim #1079 and others]

19. Dua when the Armies meet

When the Muslim is facing the enemy in battle, at this critical period, the du'a of a worshipper is accepted.

Sahl ibn Sa'd (RA) narrtaed the the Prophet (SAW) said: 'Two duas are never rejected, or rarely rejected: the du'a during the call for prayer, and the du'a during the clamity when the two armies attack each other' [Abu Dawud #2540, ibn Majah, al-Hakim]

20. When Muslims gather for the purpose of invoking and remembering Allah (Dhikrullah).

The Prophet (SAW) said: If a group of people sit together remembering Allah, the angels will circle them, mercy will shroud them, peace will descend onto them and Allah will remember them among those with Him. [Muslim]

21. First Ten days of Dhul-Hijjah

The Prophet (SAW) said: 'There are no days during which good deeds are more beloved to Allah than during these ten days'
[Sahih al-Bukhai #969 and others]

22. Dua when the heart reaches out to Allah and is ready to be totally sincere

23. At Midnight

Abu Umamah (RA) said, the Prophet (SAW) was questioned; 'Which du'a is heard (by Allah)?' He answered, 'At midnight and at the end of every obligatory prayer.' [at-Tirmidhi - Hasan]

25. Dua of people after the death of a person

In a long hadith, Umm Salamah (RA) narrated that the Prophet (SAW) said, when Abu Salamah had just passed away, and had closed his eyes, 'Do not ask for yourselves anything but good, for the angels will say 'Ameen' to all that you ask for. O Allah, forgive Abu Salamah, and raise his ranks among those who are guided.' [Muslim, abu Dawud, Ahmad]

26. Dua of the one fasting until he breaks his fast.

The Messenger of Allah (SAW) said; Three supplications will not be rejected (by Allah (SWT)), the supplication of the parent for his child, the supplication of the one who is fasting, and the supplication of the traveler. [al-Bayhaqi, at-Tirmidhi - Sahih]

27. Dua of the one fasting at the time of breaking fast

The prophet (SAW) declared, 'Three men whose dua is never rejected (by Allah) are: when a fasting person breaks fast (in another narration, the fasting person until he breaks his fast), the just ruler and the one who is oppressed.'[Ahmad, at-Tirmidhi - Hasan]

29. Dua of a just Ruler

The prophet (SAW) declared, 'Three men whose dua is never rejected (by Allah) are: the fasting person until he breaks his fast (in another narration, when he breaks fast), the just ruler and the one who is oppressed.'[Ahmad, at-Tirmidhi - Hasan]

30. Dua of a son or daughter obedient to his or her parents

It is well known in the story narrated in hadith os three men who were trapped by a huge stone in a cave. One of them who was kind to kis parents asked Allah to remove the stone, and his du'a was answered. [Sahih al-Bukhari 3:36 #472]

31. Dua immediately after wudu

Umar ibn Al-Khattab reported that the Prophet (SAW) said: 'There is not one of you that makes wudu, and does it perfectly, then says: I testify that there is no diety worthy of worship except Allah. he is Alone, having no partners. And I bear witness that Muhammad is His slave and messenger', except that the eight gates of Paradise are opened for him, and he can enter into it through whichever one he pleases' [Muslim #234, abu Dawud #162, Ahmad, an-Nasa'i] Saying what has been mentioned in the hadith that is directly related to it (ablution)

32. Dua after stoning the Jamarat at Hajj

The stoning of the small Shaitan (jamrat sugra), or the middle Shaitan (jamrat wusta) pillars during Hajj. It is narrated that the Prophet (SAW) would stone the small Jamarah (one of the three pillars that is stoned in the last days of Hajj), then face the qiblah, raise his hands, and make du'a for a long time. He would then stone the middle Jamarah and do the same. When he stoned the large Jamarah, he would depart without making any du'a. [Sahih al-Bukhari #1753 and others]

33. At the Crowing of a Rooster

Abu Hurairah (RA) narrated that the Prophet (SAW) said: 'When you hear a rooster crowing, then ask Allah for His bounties, for it has seen an angel, and when you hear a donkey braying, then seek refuge in Allah from Shaitan, for it has seen a Shaitan' [Sahih al-Bukhari, Muslim, Ahmad, Sahih al-Jami #611]

34. Du'a made inside the Ka'bah

The Ka'bah is a sanctuary that has no comparison in the entire world. The du'a of one who prays inside the hijr is considered as being made inside the ka'bah, as it is part of the house (Baitullah). [This is the semicircle to the right of the Ka'bah if you face the door, opposite to the Yemeni corner and the Black stone wall.]

Usamah ibn Zayd narrated, 'When the Prophet (SAW) entered the House (Ka'bah), he made du'a in all of its corners [Muslim 2: 968 and others]

35. Du'a on the mount of Safa or Marwah during Umrah or Hajj

It is narrated that the Prophet (SAW) would make long du'as at Safa and Marwah. [Muslim #1218 and others]

36. Dua at any of the holy sites.

37. While reciting Surah al-Fatihah

The Prophet (SAW) said that Allah the Exalted had said: ' I have divided the prayer into two halves between Me and My servant, and My servant will receive what he asks for. When the servant says: Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the universe, Allah the Most High says: My servant has praised Me. And when he (the servant) says: The Most Compassionate, the Merciful, Allah the Most High says: My servant has lauded Me. When he (the servant) says: Master of the Day of Judgment, He remarks: My servant has glorified Me, and sometimes He will say: My servant entrusted (his affairs) to Me. When he (the worshipper) says: Thee do we worship and of Thee do we ask help, He (Allah) says: This is between Me and My servant, and My servant will receive what he asks for. Then, when he (the worshipper) says: Guide us to the straight path, the path of those to whom Thou hast been Gracious -- not of those who have incurred Thy displeasure, nor of those who have gone astray, He (Allah) says: This is for My servant, and My servant will receive what he asks for. [Muslim 4: 395]

38. Saying 'Ameen' during prayer

After finishing the recitation of al-Fatihah, the saying of'Ameen' in congregation. The Prophet (SAW) said: 'When the Imam says 'Ameen', then recite it behind him (as well), because whoever's Ameen coincides with the Ameen of the angels will have all of his sins forgiven.' [Sahih al-Bukhari #780, Muslim #410 and others]

39. While visiting the sick, and dua made by the sick

Umm Salamah narrated that the Prophet (SAW) said: 'When you visit the sick, or the dead then say good, because the angels say 'Ameen' to whatever you say [Muslim #2126]

Ali (RA) reported that the Prophet (SAW) said: 'When a Muslim visits his sick Muslim brother in the morning, seventy thousand angels make dua for his forgiveness till the evening. And when he visits him in the evening, seventy thousand angels make dua for his forgiveness till the morning, and he will be granted a garden for it in Jannah.'
[at-Tirmidhi, abu Dawud]

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I Suspect My Wife is Not a Virgin: What to Do?

Questions

Assalamu Alaikum? Before I married my wife I asked her if she is a virgin and she said she is a virgin 100 %, but when I met my wife she is not a virgin, she lied to me. Should I have to leave her? I want to marry another virgin woman. What did Islam say about virginity? I'm confused what should I do. Thank you, jazakalah kairan.

Consultant: Sadaf Farooqi

Answer

Wa Alaykum Assalam Dear Brother,

Thank you for contacting us with your question.

The first thing that comes to my mind after reading your question is, whether your conviction that she was not a virgin when you had intercourse with her for the first time, actually stems from authentic proof. Or is it actually a result of the Shaitancasting doubts (waswaas) into your mind to spoil your marriage and cause husband and wife to separate on absolutely baseless grounds?

I do not know why you are convinced that she is not a virgin: is it because her vagina was not tight enough for you to be convinced of her virginity when you had intercourse with her for the first time, or the fact that she did not bleed enough vaginally (again, according to your expectations) after the first sexual encounter, or that she admitted to you herself that she was not a virgin when she married you (which definitely does not seem to be the case), or that you had her medically examined by a healthcare professional who confirmed to you that she was not a virgin?

Sometimes, a virgin wife’s vagina feels very tight during penetration at the time of her first sexual intercourse because of the presence of a membrane inside it called the hymen. It needs to be broken for penetration to be able to take place. However, that is not true for all women, because some women’s hymen is elastic; others’ hymen does not tear at all.

Since every woman’s vagina is different, it is very possible that there will be hardly any significant and noticeable tearing of the hymen and vaginal bleeding during the first sexual intercourse between a husband and wife. This does not justify the husband suspecting his wife of having had intercourse with someone before.

Women can sometimes have their hymen ruptured as a result of an accident during childhood. Even so, according to renowned scholar Salman Al-Oudah, “Failure to bleed on the first night is not a sign of loss of virginity, nor is it recognized as such in Islamic Law.” [IslamToday.com]

Other Muslim scholars have also sternly warned newlywed Muslim husbands like yourself against being influenced by the insinuations of Shaitan regarding the chastity of their brides.

Usually, the cause for their baseless suspicions about their wives’s chastity is either one of two:

- there not being enough vaginal bleeding,

- them not feeling her hymen break - during the first sexual encounter.

For both these cases, Islamic scholars have clearly ruled in favor of the wife, claiming emphatically that these two physical signs are not - in the least - enough grounds for doubting her chastity, whilst also appropriately admonishing the suspicious husband for allowing Shaitan to make him have doubts about her virginity because of them.

I would advise you to fear Allah and defer fulfilling your desire to deflower virginsuntil the Hereafter, in Jannah, Allah willing. Finding and getting married to a righteous woman, and striving to achieve marital bliss with her, is a rare blessing as it is.

In the life of this world, maintaining a happy Muslim marriage is too challenging to warrant letting the foundation of this sacred institution be shaken by baseless doubts and suspicions, and that too right at its start.

One day, if you are blessed with a daughter, you will realize how serious and grave a matter it is, for a new husband to doubt his chaste young wife’s character, right at the start of their marriage. Fear Allah, and remember that to slander a chaste woman is one of the major sins in Islam.

I hope that this answers your question.

Allah knows best.

Salam

Source: OnIslam.net

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New Muslims: Tips for a Happy Marriage (Part 2) (Based on Real Stories)

Elizabeth, accepted Islam 9 years ago, and married a Moroccan after she had been Muslim for about 4 years.

Since she had been Muslim for almost half a decade at that point, she had learned a great deal, and was fully practicing Islam in every way she could according to the Quran and Sunnah.

Unfortunately, she failed in learning about his adherence to the religion very well before getting married. She just asked if he prayed his prayers, and upheld the five pillars of Islam. Since he did, she thought she was marrying a keeper.

Within the first week of marriage, she knew she made a big mistake! She found that she was literally having fights with her husband because he didn't want to take the time to pray throughout the day, and wanted them to both just make up all the prayers at night all at once.

He also didn't care about attending Jummah prayers at the masjid, and although he doesn't drink, he was frequenting night clubs. He even expected her to take her hijab off and to go with him!

She was devastated, and didn't know what to do. She fell into the co-dependent role of being more like his mother instead of his wife which often left her feeling depressed and angered. She thought that she could make him into a better Muslim. To her disappointment, she found that he wasn't interested the slightest bit and they ultimately divorced.

After a year or so passed, she found a new husband from Pakistan. She learned more about him before marriage because she didn't want to make the same mistake twice. He was a good practicing Muslim, although he was weak in a few areas, she knew that he was at least trying and making a constant effort on his own will to do better. She would encourage him in the areas he was weak, and he did the same for her.

Their problems were primarily around cultural norms. He felt that her sole job was to serve his parents who lived with them, and to cook and clean. She had no problems with doing the expected household duties since she didn't work, but she had problems with how her in-laws treated her. Since she knew her husband was doing his best to be a good Muslim, she discussed the matter with him, and he spoke to his parents about the matter.

At first, his parents were disgruntled and felt she was against them, he presented the Quran and Sunnah to them about the obligations of wife and husband in Islam, and that they needed to tone it down a notch. Over time, things eased up and they became happy with their marriage in all aspects. Alhamdulillah.

Study One Another

Now, the last point that needs discussion is the psychological aspect of dealing with a spouse. While not fully related to Islam, it is woven together to produce a happy marriage. Men think differently than women, and they tend to react differently as well to various stimuli.

Women are emotional creatures, whereas men tend to be less emotional, and often even suppress their emotions.

Women need to be constantly reminded that their husband loves, respects, and appreciates them, in ways other than just saying it directly to them, whereas most men can just accept verbal responses as sufficient.

Women are more physically needy, wanting to be held, hugged, kissed, and romanced. Men tend to only be this way when they want to have sexual intimacy. However, if men realized that if they are like this with women at all times, other than just when they want sexual gratification, that the wife will be more excited to initiate sexual relations.

Marriage is a give and take, not take, take, take! When a woman is upset, she tends to verbalize her feelings, whereas the man wants to hold it in and not talk about it. When the wife knows when to “let things be” and to remain quiet until the storm clears, and the man learns when his wife is about to break emotionally and needs to discuss things, they will learn when to talk and when to wait.

Knowing the other's mood and mentality will make marital conflicts much easier to overcome. You have to step back from your own thoughts, feelings, and wait to react at times, to know the other person's mindset.

There are numerous things that are very simple that both spouses can do to make the other feel happy in marriage... the key is to understand that differences between the mind of a man and woman exist, and how to work with each other's psychology in regards to conflicts will make life easy. Once you know the mind of the other, and how they think, and what they expect, you will know how to resolve future problems!

{And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.} (Quran 30:21)

Marriage is not intended to be a prison but a base, a safe haven, a source of contentment, tranquility, consolation and spiritual strength through shared commitment and experience. If it is turned into an arena for strife, discontent, abuse, or oppression it is failing to fulfill its proper function.

So study one another, and stick it out until you know each other like the back of your hand. When you accomplish this, you will know how to make your marriage a forever lasting happy marriage.

The world wasn't created in a day, just like a perfect marriage isn't made by simply signing a contract. It takes work and you can achieve it, but both parties must be proactive in learning about one another on a deeper level to reach marital bliss!

May Allah grant us all a righteous spouse, and put happiness in our grasp.

Ameen!

Click here for Part 2

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New Muslims: Tips for a Happy Marriage (Part 1) (Based on Real Life Stories)

Finding your mate can be a difficult challenge in itself, and also trying to learn more about them can become an even more challenging task.

However, after tying the knot, a new challenge emerges, which can be the hardest of them all - to develop and maintain a happily married life.

They always say that if you can make it through the first year, you are in the clear. So, how can you make it through that long rollercoaster of ups and downs in the first year?

Hopefully, you had the opportunity to get to know your spouse and their personality, their expectations and such before getting married. If you were able to accomplish this, it will be much easier to find happiness through hard times.

New Muslims tend to marry quickly after taking their shahadah due to pressure from society, and being told that their spouse can help them grow and learn the deen better, and more quickly. This is not always the case.

Marriage in the first years is difficult, regardless if religion is a factor or not. Lack of good communication is typically the number one cause for all divorces, even amongst non-Muslims. The second usually stems around financial problems that arise. Now, if we throw religion into the mix, it can either cause problems in the marriage, or provide comfort when a problem arises.

Psychology plays a huge role in learning to resolve conflict, and to find happiness with a spouse. You don't have to have a degree in psychology, but if you learn that men and women think differently and react differently to various things, it will get you a long way in your marriage.

If you and your spouse don't understand each other's psychology, you will surely find yourself in lots of arguments, feeling disappointed, frustrated, and ready to divorce. If you can learn how the other thinks, and how they feel about various things, you have something to work with, and can overcome it, but it takes two to make it work.

Both partners must be dedicated to learning each other's mentality so that they can understand the other fully. Without this, you will clash about every tiny detail about everything - from food, to money, to kids, to religion, to work, and expectations of the other, and much more.

“Problem Areas” in Marriages for New Muslims?

More often than not, I encounter new Muslims that are facing some scary situations, usually due to their lack of getting to know their spouse, their families, and knowing what to expect from one another.

Most issues arise from cultural differences, while others are related to their practice of the deen. Either the new Muslim or their spouse is at a very different level in practicing Islam, than the other.

Sometimes the new Muslim is the more practicing spouse, and other times, it is the born Muslim that is the stronger one in the deen. This is why it is critical to discuss your “level of faith” before marriage, because if you are really new to the religion, and still learning about basic practices in behavior, social matters, etc. and you marry someone that is very strong in their deen, and are expecting you to be at their same level, this can cause problems if you or the other is not compassionate, and patient enough to deal with the expectations the other has for you.

In regards to cultural issues, one may tend to want to stick to their culture, especially in regards to holidays and social norms that conflict with the views of their spouse. Sometimes I find a new Muslim that wants to partake in non-Muslim holidays because they don't know how to manage the change yet, and the spouse is fervently against it to the point of feeling their new Muslim spouse is not really “Muslim enough” at that point to their liking.

You may have a spouse that feels that women are supposed to stay at home and only serve their husband, and not have a life outside the home. While Islam has restrictions on some things, many Muslims go the extreme and mix culture with Islam in various things such as this.

I mention this because these two situations are the biggest triggers for conflict in marriages with new Muslims that I've seen personally. If we look at these scenarios, we can begin to understand the various scenarios that can take place, and try to find a solution to work things out to feel happy with the choice of a spouse. You can find happiness, but it usually isn't without working hard to make it happen.

New Muslims have a duty to learn about Islam and implement it in their life as they learn. New Muslims can't be expected to be perfect overnight in all matters, so their spouses have to remain patient, and help them find solutions and easy ways to overcome various lifestyle changes without making them feel insulted, or “less Muslim”, or not worthy enough to be their spouse.

The new Muslim has an obligation to do their best to learn and implement what they learn too, so it goes both ways. You can only use the “well I'm new to Islam” excuse so much before you are resorting to using it as an excuse to not practice Islam properly. Always improve your adherence to Islam as a growing process.

Many new Muslims want to slack off in their learning after marriage, which their spouse may have issues with. On the flip side, many new Muslims tend to be the more religious of the two, because they are excited about their new faith and try to do everything right. This can be problematic if the new Muslim marries someone that is what we call a “cultural” or “Ramadan Muslim” who neglects their faith the majority of the time, leaving the new Muslim feeling like they married someone that doesn't take their faith seriously.

Now, How to Overcome These Situations?

For the first example, we will discuss the new Muslim that is the weaker in their practice than their spouse, who expected them to be more practicing than they currently are.

Sarah, a new Muslim of only 6 months, was only wearing her hijab when she prayed, or went to the masjid, and her new husband from Pakistan, was under the impression that she was wearing it all the time.

After marriage, he quickly discovers that she hasn't reached the level he thought she was at. He forces her to wear hijab at all times, and she begins to feel oppressed, and forced to do things she isn't ready for. He sees her reluctance and agitation as her not wanting to be a proper Muslim (in his eyes).

Sarah finds that her new husband is pressuring her into many other things that she either doesn't have much knowledge of yet, or just simply isn't yet ready to take that step. Regardless of the reasons, she is feeling like her husband is a dictator, and begins to lose respect, love, and affection for him, and it spirals downhill from there.

In a situation like this, if the husband will ponder over the huge change his wife has recently made, and how it is a complete change of all parts of their life, Insha’Allahhe will respect her and appreciate her more, and will be there by her side teaching her, and encouraging her without forcing things on her against her will.

Stubbornness will emerge out of sheer defiance against feelings of oppression, but if he is patient and understanding with her, and helps her in this transformation, she will feel more love, compassion, and respect for him in the long haul. If he forces things on her, it will only push her away from him, and maybe Islam altogether!

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) told us:

“Woman has been created from a rib and will in no way be straightened for you; so if you want to benefit from her, you will benefit from her while crookedness remains in her. If you attempt to straighten her, you will break her, and breaking her is divorcing her". (Muslim, 1467 b)

The Prophet advised that a husband should not enforce his will upon his wife. However, if he wants to enjoy a happy life with his wife, he should overlook her faults and benefit from her good qualities and should try to alter her undesirable qualities with love and affection, rather than by force. Using force at such instances may break a woman rather than straighten her (as it would a rib).

Women can use this same tactic in dealing with their husbands. Compassionate encouragement gets you a lot further than force! Don't be condescending to one another, because it will get you nowhere fast!

For the second example, we will discuss common scenarios where the new Muslim is the stronger one in their faith than their spouse.

(to be continued insha-Allah ...) Click here for Part 2

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Advice to New Muslimahs Considering Marriage

I still find it strange to this day that, whenever I meet a Muslim for the first time, one of the first things they usually say to me is:

“We must find you a husband!”

Over the years I have learned how to deal with this situation and can even detect the thought coming before it is verbalized!

But for new Muslim sisters, like Helen, mentioned in my previous article, this can be a very challenging time.

Almost as soon as they convert, new Muslimahs will find people trying to get them married. They will be told that it is half of their deen and so they should get married quickly. There may be other reasons they find themselves considering marriage:

- They may have been dating a Muslim man prior to accepting Islam, like Jemima (mentioned in my last article).

- They may feel that they are ready to get married, like Clare (a recent study showed that the average age of their respondents were 27 when they converted)

- They may feel that it would be the best way to learn more about their new way of life

- They may look to get married as a way of escaping from their families who have rejected them since their conversion,

- It may be a way to escape from the loneliness they feel, as they don’t belong with their old friends and want to feel part of the Muslim community, or many other reasons.

The one thing that will be common to all of them is that when a new Muslimah considers getting married, they are stepping into unfamiliar territory. The rules and the customs will all be very different from that they have grown up with.

For a few sisters this turns out to be a wonderful journey of discovery with someone they feel is their soul mate, for most sisters it’s a journey that contains many challenges and adjustments, but for some it can be a very sad journey that leads them to question their faith.

So I’d like to share some advice that may help to ease some of those journeys and help them to result in happy and fulfilling marriages:

Take Your Time

The period after accepting Islam is a period of learning, growth and adjustment; not only in terms of learning about Islam and the practical application of it to daily life, but also in terms of learning about the Muslim community and its cultural practices. Having grown up in a non-Muslim community, it can take a long time to understand the subtle nuances of your new faith and community.

It can take at least a year or so for you to start growing into it and discovering what works best for you. So it is better to take your time and wait until you have settled into Islam before looking for a husband, as this will help you to choose one who has a similar understanding of the deen to you.

Many new Muslims have a bit of a halo effect about the Muslim community and want to perceive them as being from the same mould as the early companions. They come to Islam, because of its perfection, but as Muslims are human beings, they can’t always meet this standard. And this is one of the biggest challenges that most new Muslims face; understanding the dichotomy between their expectations and the reality of the Muslim community. They also want to do everything in the best way and to follow Islam to the letter of the Sunnah, but as they don’t always take into account the current situation of the Ummah, this can leave them vulnerable and sometimes taken advantage of.

So it is advisable for you to be patient and take time to settle into Islam before you start to consider marriage, rather than rushing into it and regretting it later.

Select a Trusted Wali (Guardian for Your Marriage)

This is probably the most challenging part of the Islamic marriage process for a new Muslim, but in my opinion, it is the most important step. Western women these days aren’t used to the concept of having a Wali, a guardian or a trusted man involved in the early stages of a relationship; western fathers are usually just told nowadays that the decision to marry has already been made. But there is a lot of wisdom in having a guardian, especially as most converts marry men from cultures where this is the norm.

Having a guardian not only acts as a protection for a new Muslimah from those who would seek to take advantage of her lack of knowledge of the Muslim world, it also increases the respect that will be shown to her by her future husband and his family as it shows that she was cautious about this important decision.

A guardian should be chosen carefully; he should be someone who will actually be able and willing to protect the woman’s best interests, in the way that he would protect his own daughter. I have ‘sacked’ previous guardians of mine, as I didn’t feel that they had done that for me! It’s often suggested that the local imam should be asked, but unless they know you reasonably well, it would be better to choose a friend’s husband or someone else from the community you can trust.

The guardian’s role is crucial in the very early stages. He will be more able to spot subtle signs about a potential groom’s suitability, or lack of it, that might escape a new Muslimah who is unfamiliar with different cultures. He should make sure that the brother is able and willing to support a wife and that he doesn’t have an ulterior motive for marriage, such as seeking a passport, money, property or a temporary marriage of convenience.

He should also help to check out the brother through his friends and acquaintances, and check his family’s background and acceptance of the match. This may seem unnecessary or strange to a new Muslimah, but as it is common practice in the Muslim world, it won’t seem strange to a man who is genuine in his intentions.

Meeting the Man and His Family

It’s not always easy to get this balance right, however, as dating is not permitted in Islam, and that is the way most westerner women are accustomed to getting to know a man, you need to work out how you will be able to get to know someone well enough to know whether they would be a suitable match for you in a lawful way.

I have often been told that Islamically, I should just meet someone two or at most three times and then, after making Istikhara (prayer of seeking guidance), I should make a decision whether to spend the rest of my life with the prospective groom. I have also been pressured to make a quick decision, because the man was apparently keen and willing, and nearly ended up in some very nasty situations.

Somehow, you need to strike a balance between the two ways. I have known sisters who have made very quick decisions and been very happy with the result, but for most sisters, it will be necessary to meet over a period of time in different settings and to meet the man with his family to see how they are together and for him to meet your family. While doing this you need to make sure that you retain your modesty, you aren’t alone with them at any time and of course that you avoid any physical contact.

Look out for Red Flags

It is very easy, if you meet someone who sounds suitable and who appeals to you, to overlook things that could cause potential problems in the future. Once you have started to form a relationship with someone and develop feelings for them, the tendency is not to want to hear anything that could spoil things, and this is where the guardian’s role becomes most important. Although the decision about a marriage is yours, it is his role to help you see the red flags that could indicate a potentially dangerous situation.

Some of the most obvious red flags that should make you wary are:

- If the brother doesn’t want to meet your family and friends.

- If he asks you to keep the relationship a secret.

- If he doesn’t want you to meet his family or see where he lives.

- If he asks you to travel long distances alone to meet him, especially if that is at your expense or means going overseas to see him.

- If he asks you for money, or is unable to support you financially or provide a home for you.

- If he asks you to have just an ‘Islamic marriage’, i.e. one that isn’t registered or legally recognized, and not a civil marriage.

- If he doesn’t have a valid visa to stay in your country.

- If he asks you to agree to a temporary marriage contract.

- Or if anything he says or does makes you feel even momentarily uncomfortable.

If any or all of these things happen, they can be signs of a potential problem, because on the whole they would be unacceptable ways for a man to treat a woman he respected and wanted to marry in most Muslim communities. There are always exceptions to these flags, but they should be discussed and resolved with your guardian and your family and friends first, before proceeding forward.

Perform Prayer of Seeking Guidance

Before any decision is made about marriage, you should of course perform Salat-ul-Istikhara (prayer of seeking guidance) and sincerely ask for God’s guidance.

It isn’t necessary to see a dream after you have done this, as that doesn’t always happen. What you should be looking out for is whether God makes the path ahead easy for you or whether He shows you signs that may be indicating that you shouldn’t proceed. You may have to do this several times before your heart feels at peace to make the decision and to feel that this is the path that God has written for you to take.

There are many good Muslim men out there and I know many sisters who are in good marriages, I pray that yours will be one of them too!

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Challenges Faced by Western Muslim Women Converts

Once the celebrations around the conversion have died down, a new sister starts to learn how to live as a Muslim and become part of the Muslim community.

This adjustment period can take a couple of years until they have worked out the path they feel most comfortable following in their new faith.

During this time they experience emotional highs and lows, variances in their faith, and often face many tests.

Doesn’t God promise this though?

{Do the people think that they will be left to say, “We believe” and they will not be tried? But We have certainly tried those before them, and Allah will surely make evident those who are truthful, and He will surely make evident the liars.} (Al Ankabut 29: 2-3)

Here are some stories of sisters I have come across over the years showing some of the tests they have faced and the different paths they have followed. Some sisters work through their tests and end up with strong faith, for others the tests are too hard and result in them leaving Islam all together and the rest end up somewhere in between.

The details have been changed and combined, as I don’t have the sister’s permission to tell their stories, and although they are not typical stories for every convert, they happen often enough for them to be common.

Insha’ Allah in future articles we’ll be looking at some things that can be done to reduce the potential negative effects of the tests.

Christine’s Story

Christine kept her new faith hidden from her family. She knew the hatred her parents had for ‘foreigners’ and their intolerance of anyone who was different. So she decided that, until she could afford to move out, she had to make some big compromises in her practice. So she prayed in the bathroom or in her room late at night, only put hijab on when she was away from home, and pretended she had become a vegetarian.

One day Christine’s father caught her praying in her room and went ballistic. A huge row ensued with her father hitting her and calling her all the foul names he could think of. The row ended with Christine being thrown out on the street and being told never to come back. She had nowhere to go.

When she turned to her new friends, they said it wouldn’t be appropriate for a non-mahram woman to stay with them. So they collected some money so Christine could stay in a hostel, but the money ran out after a few nights and her friends said that they couldn’t help her any more.

Mary’s Story

Following 7/7, Mary was very curious about Islam and Muslims, so she joined a couple of chat rooms to get answers to her questions. She learned how in Islam women were valued and honored, and about the importance of community and family. These were values she yearned for and eventually Mary decided that she wanted to be a part of that community.

She found her local mosque and made an appointment to go there to convert. The imam got her to stand up in front of all the men after one of the prayers to repeat the Shahadah. It felt so uncomfortable stumbling through the strange Arabic phrases with all those eyes on her, but at last she belonged.

The next Friday, she braced herself to go to the mosque for prayers. As soon as she walked through the door, one of the older ladies told her off for not wearing hijab in the mosque. After that she was too shy to ask what she should do in the prayer, so she just tried her best to follow them. When they had finished, another lady came up to her and told what she had done wrong and then walked off.

As the ladies all started talking to each other in foreign languages, Mary went home alone. She did go back a few times, but even though she was wearing hijab by then, they just looked at her suspiciously. Mary felt that she was the wrong color and the wrong race; that she wasn’t a ‘proper’ Muslim, and so she decided never to go back to the mosque again.

Helen’s Story

When Helen went to university, it was the first time that she had come across Muslims, and she was curious. She asked lots of questions and one day she realized that she had become a Muslim. She hadn’t been looking to change her life, but it had crept up on her and there she was, a Muslim. She wanted to learn all she could about her new-found faith, so she read every book she could get hold of and attended all the talks.

Helen found herself spending most of her time with a group of sisters who had taken her under their wing and within a short time, not only was she wearing hijab, she was wearing a niqab and dressing in black. Helen started to skip lectures to be with the sisters, and slowly broke all contact with her old friends and her family.

It wasn’t long before the sisters found her a husband, who was said to be pious. Helen found him strict and he had very high expectations of her. He thought that, as she was a new Muslim, she was a blank slate for him to write on and that he could make her into the wife he wanted her to be. He started stopping her from going to see the sisters, claiming that they were following the wrong path. One day Helen woke up and looked at herself in the mirror; she didn’t recognize the pregnant woman staring back at her with empty eyes.

Jemima’s Story

Jemima was always outgoing; she loved new experiences, the party life and travelling. While she was on holiday, she met a man and fell in love. He said that he was a Muslim, but not a good one as this was his time to enjoy himself while he was still young. After going to see him a couple of times, they started talking about marriage and he began to tell her how happy he’d be if she was a Muslim. So when Jemima came back, she began to look into Islam. It seemed as if there were different types of Muslims; some were stricter than others, but there were many like her fiancé who still liked to party. So with that understanding, Jemima decided that she could become a Muslim. She reassured her friends that it wouldn’t change her, and it didn’t; she still continued to party like before.

The next time she went back, they got married and started the process to get her husband the visa to come to England. It took a long time, as it was more complicated than they realized, but eventually they succeeded and he came over. Within a short time, her husband started changing towards her; he wasn’t as loving as he had been. He started going out alone, sometimes not coming home until the early hours. One day he announced that he had met someone else and he was leaving her. Jemima was distraught; it was clear then that he had only married her to get a visa to get out of his country.

Clare’s Story

Clare had been a Muslim for several years and took her faith seriously. She had learned a lot about Islam, she had a good support network of sisters and her family had come to terms with her conversion. Everything seemed to be going well; the only thing missing was a husband. None of the brothers she’d been introduced to seemed to be as serious about Islam as she was.

Clare was active in her local community and helped out in her local mosque. There were a few speakers who used to come on a regular basis, and she was always on hand to help out. One of them started coming more frequently and Clare looked forward to his visits; he gave such inspiring talks. Then one day, out of the blue, he asked her to marry him, as he said he was afraid of falling into fitnah with her. He explained that it would have to be a secret ‘Islamic marriage’ initially (i.e. with no paperwork), because his wife wouldn’t understand, but he promised to start telling her about Clare after they were married.

She was so happy to have finally found a husband who was strong on the deen(religion) and accepted his conditions, as they were going to be temporary. Her happiness was short lived. A few weeks after they were married, on one of his visits, he said that someone had told his wife that he had married. His wife had been so upset that he had sworn that it wasn’t true and by doing so, he had divorced Clare.

Clare didn’t know where to turn! ...

The next article will discuss how new revert sisters who face similar situations can overcome these types of challenges.

Source: OnIslam.net

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