This adjustment period can take a couple of years until they have worked out the path they feel most comfortable following in their new faith.
During this time they experience emotional highs and lows, variances in their faith, and often face many tests.
Doesn’t God promise this though?
{Do the people think that they will be left to say, “We believe” and they will not be tried? But We have certainly tried those before them, and Allah will surely make evident those who are truthful, and He will surely make evident the liars.} (Al Ankabut 29: 2-3)
Here are some stories of sisters I have come across over the years showing some of the tests they have faced and the different paths they have followed. Some sisters work through their tests and end up with strong faith, for others the tests are too hard and result in them leaving Islam all together and the rest end up somewhere in between.
The details have been changed and combined, as I don’t have the sister’s permission to tell their stories, and although they are not typical stories for every convert, they happen often enough for them to be common.
Insha’ Allah in future articles we’ll be looking at some things that can be done to reduce the potential negative effects of the tests.
Christine’s Story
Christine kept her new faith hidden from her family. She knew the hatred her parents had for ‘foreigners’ and their intolerance of anyone who was different. So she decided that, until she could afford to move out, she had to make some big compromises in her practice. So she prayed in the bathroom or in her room late at night, only put hijab on when she was away from home, and pretended she had become a vegetarian.
One day Christine’s father caught her praying in her room and went ballistic. A huge row ensued with her father hitting her and calling her all the foul names he could think of. The row ended with Christine being thrown out on the street and being told never to come back. She had nowhere to go.
When she turned to her new friends, they said it wouldn’t be appropriate for a non-mahram woman to stay with them. So they collected some money so Christine could stay in a hostel, but the money ran out after a few nights and her friends said that they couldn’t help her any more.
Mary’s Story
Following 7/7, Mary was very curious about Islam and Muslims, so she joined a couple of chat rooms to get answers to her questions. She learned how in Islam women were valued and honored, and about the importance of community and family. These were values she yearned for and eventually Mary decided that she wanted to be a part of that community.
She found her local mosque and made an appointment to go there to convert. The imam got her to stand up in front of all the men after one of the prayers to repeat the Shahadah. It felt so uncomfortable stumbling through the strange Arabic phrases with all those eyes on her, but at last she belonged.
The next Friday, she braced herself to go to the mosque for prayers. As soon as she walked through the door, one of the older ladies told her off for not wearing hijab in the mosque. After that she was too shy to ask what she should do in the prayer, so she just tried her best to follow them. When they had finished, another lady came up to her and told what she had done wrong and then walked off.
As the ladies all started talking to each other in foreign languages, Mary went home alone. She did go back a few times, but even though she was wearing hijab by then, they just looked at her suspiciously. Mary felt that she was the wrong color and the wrong race; that she wasn’t a ‘proper’ Muslim, and so she decided never to go back to the mosque again.
Helen’s Story
When Helen went to university, it was the first time that she had come across Muslims, and she was curious. She asked lots of questions and one day she realized that she had become a Muslim. She hadn’t been looking to change her life, but it had crept up on her and there she was, a Muslim. She wanted to learn all she could about her new-found faith, so she read every book she could get hold of and attended all the talks.
Helen found herself spending most of her time with a group of sisters who had taken her under their wing and within a short time, not only was she wearing hijab, she was wearing a niqab and dressing in black. Helen started to skip lectures to be with the sisters, and slowly broke all contact with her old friends and her family.
It wasn’t long before the sisters found her a husband, who was said to be pious. Helen found him strict and he had very high expectations of her. He thought that, as she was a new Muslim, she was a blank slate for him to write on and that he could make her into the wife he wanted her to be. He started stopping her from going to see the sisters, claiming that they were following the wrong path. One day Helen woke up and looked at herself in the mirror; she didn’t recognize the pregnant woman staring back at her with empty eyes.
Jemima’s Story
Jemima was always outgoing; she loved new experiences, the party life and travelling. While she was on holiday, she met a man and fell in love. He said that he was a Muslim, but not a good one as this was his time to enjoy himself while he was still young. After going to see him a couple of times, they started talking about marriage and he began to tell her how happy he’d be if she was a Muslim. So when Jemima came back, she began to look into Islam. It seemed as if there were different types of Muslims; some were stricter than others, but there were many like her fiancé who still liked to party. So with that understanding, Jemima decided that she could become a Muslim. She reassured her friends that it wouldn’t change her, and it didn’t; she still continued to party like before.
The next time she went back, they got married and started the process to get her husband the visa to come to England. It took a long time, as it was more complicated than they realized, but eventually they succeeded and he came over. Within a short time, her husband started changing towards her; he wasn’t as loving as he had been. He started going out alone, sometimes not coming home until the early hours. One day he announced that he had met someone else and he was leaving her. Jemima was distraught; it was clear then that he had only married her to get a visa to get out of his country.
Clare’s Story
Clare had been a Muslim for several years and took her faith seriously. She had learned a lot about Islam, she had a good support network of sisters and her family had come to terms with her conversion. Everything seemed to be going well; the only thing missing was a husband. None of the brothers she’d been introduced to seemed to be as serious about Islam as she was.
Clare was active in her local community and helped out in her local mosque. There were a few speakers who used to come on a regular basis, and she was always on hand to help out. One of them started coming more frequently and Clare looked forward to his visits; he gave such inspiring talks. Then one day, out of the blue, he asked her to marry him, as he said he was afraid of falling into fitnah with her. He explained that it would have to be a secret ‘Islamic marriage’ initially (i.e. with no paperwork), because his wife wouldn’t understand, but he promised to start telling her about Clare after they were married.
She was so happy to have finally found a husband who was strong on the deen(religion) and accepted his conditions, as they were going to be temporary. Her happiness was short lived. A few weeks after they were married, on one of his visits, he said that someone had told his wife that he had married. His wife had been so upset that he had sworn that it wasn’t true and by doing so, he had divorced Clare.
Clare didn’t know where to turn! ...
The next article will discuss how new revert sisters who face similar situations can overcome these types of challenges.
Source: OnIslam.net
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