10 Tips on How To Be A Happy Single Muslim Woman

As a single person, you have a wider freedom to explore and do things that you might not be able to do as a wife or mother.

Being a woman is a blessing from Allah, along with everything that has been bestowed upon us, whatever we have within our grasp is a gift and one should always accept gifts with graciousness and content focusing on what one has, not what is missing.

I understand that there is no clear way that leads to happiness; we are all different with unique needs, living in various surroundings, that’s why I sought the views of friends, relatives and co-workers from across the globe on what they thought to be ideal tips on how to enjoy life as a single Muslim woman.

1. Your Duty to Live:

Whether we like it or not we have to live our current life so why spend it longing for things and thinking about what it is out of reach?   Trust the plan of God and appreciate that He is the Best of Planners.

2. Contentment and Acceptance:

Always concentrate on what you have and make the most of it, enjoy every aspect of your day and utilize your time as a single woman by having fulfilling goals that occupy your time productively. Look around , count your blessings and work on nurturing any positive aspect you find within your life.

For example reconnect and take interest in your friends, build your self-confidence or simply encourage yourself to try new things. Never look at what others have for you will not realize what they are also missing.  I once read a quote by Theodore Roosevelt which warned against looking at what others have “Comparison is the thief of joy.” So never judge and just work on yourself.

3. Focus:

Focus on what makes you happy and discover yourself.  Focus on your career, studies, hobbies or learning new skill or improving an existing one, make connection with others and try to spread happiness everywhere.

Give your time and energy wholeheartedly to anything that provides a source of happiness and personal satisfaction

4. Men and Marriage Are Not the Final And Ultimate Destination:

Marriage is a grace from Allah just like work, health and fortune not suitable or meant for all. So, make sure you don’t get  preoccupied with getting married and leave this to God’s plan for you.

It’s important to realize that marriage is not everything; it is not the solution to our problems and not the only way to happiness.

One of the ladies that took part in my research for this article had one piece of sound advice ‘Ignore the marriage police who make you paranoid about being single (everyone has those nagging female relatives and aunties who mean well but make you feel terrible!).

Remember there is nothing you can do about it, as it is up to Allah and the name of your partner (if it's destined) was written long before your existence…so you cannot rush fate.

5. Love Yourself and Your Own Company:

Love and trust yourself, believe that you can do everything alone easily and always rely on God alone. Unfortunately, the truth is that if you don’t learn to love yourself and love your life while you are on your own and single then it is unlikely that you will be happy in a relationship either. Learn to breath slowly, have time for tiny details and never rush.

6. Understand And Discover Who You Are:-

Recognizing your self-worth and understanding who you are (in the absence of everyone else) and who you aspire to be (whether that be in the form of action/career/outlook/behavior) is an important step in finding happiness.

In your journey of self-discovery, you will surprise yourself at being able to do things you never thought you could do. This will not only empower you but will leave a feeling of self-satisfaction and happiness at being able to do anything on your own.

Challenge yourself and try new things, only then will you learn further about your likes and dislikes and what you are comfortable with.

7. Consistency:

Once you realize what you like and enjoy doing , keep at it to see the results. Consistency is the key. Like most things in life, you need to wait and be patient before you can reap the ‘fruit’. Do a good activity and observe its effect on you after few weeks or months.

Going to dance or yoga classes, music lessons or practicing sports are very good examples.

Participate in some charity groups and organizations makes you feel helpful and useful to the community and gives you more energy and self appreciation.

8. Widening Your Circle:

Islam is both a singular and collectivist religion. As a Muslim, you are essentially never alone. It is vital that you keep your social circle varied. Having a variety of friends with various backgrounds, beliefs, social classes, nationalities …etc will always give richness to your life and help you develop better understanding of life in general as well as increasing your knowledge and experience.

9. Explore Your Surrounding and Seek The Pleasure In Everything:

Muslim women are not less fortune in term of freedom; girls travel and explore every aspect of the world. Some people believe that if you are a hijabi Muslim girl then automatically you are limited, however, that is far from truth.

Few girls that I interviewed went zip lining, snorkeling, hiking and kayaking in Thailand, and two of them wore hijab. Another friend has so far tried sky diving, abseiling, and wall climbing and has never allowed her veil to prevent her from pursuing new and exciting activities.

Seeking pleasure in life is not a negative thing as often claimed by some, there is pleasure in trying new things, in spontaneous outings or even in simple things such as enjoying food or observing sunrise/sunset.  As a single person, you have a wider freedom to explore and do things that you might not be able to do as a wife or mother.

10. Stay At Peace with Your Spiritual Side:

Always seek the guidance of God and never ignore your spiritual needs.  Attend Islamic talks, surround yourself by positive people and religious friends.

Having  religious friends doesn't always mean talking about Islam but just hanging out and having fun with people that remind you of Allah, encourage you to pray on time, do ‘dthikr’ together or memorize the Qur’an will help you purify your heart and strengthen your relation with Allah.

The Final Result….

There is no quick guide to happiness or a magical method, mainly because happiness is like any emotion - a temporary state that won’t last forever. Therefore, we should strive to be content and at peace with the world.

I recently read a line in Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert that summarizes quite adequately  one’s mission in this world,

“You were given life; it is your duty (and also your entitlement as a human being) to find something beautiful within life, no matter how slight.”

Source: OnIslam.net

Read more →

How to Be a VIP on the Day of Judgment

Abu Hurairah reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said,

Allah will cover seven people with His shade, on the Day when there will be no shade but His: a just ruler, a youth who has grown up in the worship of Allah, a man whose heart is attached to the mosques, two persons who love each other only for Allah’s sake and they meet and part in Allah’s cause only, a man who refuses the call of a beautiful and influential woman for illicit relation with her and says: I am afraid of Allah, a man who gives charitable gifts so secretly that his left hand does not know what his right hand has given, and a person who remembers Allah while he is alone and his eyes are flooded with tears." (Al-Bukhari)

We all need Allah’s shade. To be under Allah’s shade is to be protected by Him and be blessed by Him. We need His shade in this life and in the Hereafter. It is mentioned that the Day of Judgment will be a very hard and difficult Day. On that day everyone will be worried and will try to find some protection and shade; but there will be no shade on that Day except the special shade of Allah. This shade will be granted to seven special types of people:

1. A just ruler or a just leader: It could be any person who has some authority and he/she uses this authority with justice and fairness without any favoritism or prejudice. Justice is the command of God for all people; but the most critical is the doing of justice when one has power and authority. More difficult is, of course, dealing justly with those who show hate and animosity towards you. A just person, especially a just leader or ruler, is given number one place in this list of seven.


2. A young person growing up in the worship of Allah: Worship of Allah is good for all people at any age and time; but the worship of Allah from the tender young age has special blessings. Many people become devoted to Allah when they grow old. In the old age when the body becomes weak, people start paying attention to the spirit. However, to be conscious of one’s spirit and growing up as a youth in the obedience of Allah bring a special honor and blessings.


3. A person whose heart is connected to the mosque: Literally it says that the heart is hanging (mu`allaq) in the mosque. Imam Malik explained that it was a person who when he leaves the mosque, looks forward to coming back again soon. Normally people’s hearts are attached to their jobs, business and home. Mosque is not the priority for many people. However, those who love the House of Allah and keep it as their priority are the blessed people and they shall receive the special favor of Allah.
4. Two people loving each other for the sake of Allah: One should be friendly to all people and deal with all people in a kind and courteous manner. However, the friendship for the sake of Allah, for the reasons of piety and goodness is a very blessed friendship. This is a sincere friendship and when two or more people become attached to each other for Allah’s sake they bring a lot of good to themselves and to those around them. This is a kind of friendship that generates goodness in the world and is especially blessed by Allah.


5. A person of solid moral character: The Prophet gave an example of this solid character. He said a man tempted for illicit relationship by a woman who is beautiful and rich, influential or of a prestigious family (the word “mansib” means all these things in Arabic) and he refuses. Imam Ibn Hajar says that this is not limited to a man only who is tempted by a woman; it equally applies to a woman who may be tempted by a man who is very beautiful, powerful and rich and she refuses and says “I fear Allah.” It requires a lot of moral strength to refuse temptation when the other partner is attractive, rich, and not only consenting but persuasive. Those who have such a strong character are indeed under the protection of Allah.


6. A person of charity who does not show off his/her charity: A person gives charity in such a way that even his left hand does not know what his right hand has done. This is a very powerful and beautiful way to say that a person gives quietly, discreetly and with sincerity. His/her purpose is not to show off, seek publicity, name or fame; but only to please Allah. This is the highest kind of charity and it has a special reward and blessing from Allah.

7. A person who remembers Allah privately with eyes filled with tears: Thinking of Allah, repeating His Beautiful Names, thanking Him and praising Him, these are the ways to remember (dhikr) Allah. Doing the “dhikr” alone in one’s privacy, when no one is watching, with moving heart and tearful eyes is a sign of sincere faith and deep love of Allah. Those who have the love of Allah, they are indeed under His shade and protection.

All these seven characters are deeply moral and spiritual characters. They indicate a person’s faith and sincere commitment. They are related to feeling, thinking, speaking and action. These are true characters of sincere believers. We pray to Allah to bless us with these characters and with his shade in this world and also in the Hereafter. Ameen.

Read more →

Shall I Divorce My Irreligious Husband?

Question:

Assalaamu 'alaykum! 

I am married for more than 2 years and have been blessed with 2 healthy kids, Alhamdulillah. Before I got engaged to my husband, he had been in a relationship with a Christian. He admitted they had done haraam things. During engagement, we were separated as he was working in another country, but we talked every day. Since then, I have never been able to trust him. By the way, our marriage was arranged. My approval during the time of marriage was 50/50, because I was thinking he might be right for me as he was working already and was old enough to handle things. In addition, his parents are religious so I expected that he was also religious.

I heard he was very simple, did not like to go out unless very important, was always staying at home after work; he cooked, helped in the house chores, and was a good, obedient son. But some of those things were not true when we settled together. I can't accept that I have an impious husband who doesn't pray, loves watching porn, smokes and does not even complete his fasting in Ramadhan. I somehow love him as he is a good father who takes care of the kids, but thinking of his flaws and remembering what he did before hurts me.

I can’t concentrate on my work and my kids because of these. Just recently I also noticed that he is always calling his co-staff whom he trains at work. Before, he used to call me every day, but in the past few days, he doesn't seem to care about me. I am afraid he is in a relation with that Christian woman again doing haraam things. Because of this, I am thinking to divorce him as he doesn’t seem to be concerned about me anymore. He's only giving me headache and heartache. The worst thing in him is that he doesn't pray and does not fear Allah. But we have kids who are still babies, and I don't have parents to take care of them. I am working along with my husband to financially support them and ourselves. Kindly help me and give me advice. Jazaakallahu khairan!

Answer:

The fact that your husband did haram things before marriage made him unsuitable for you as a husband (as you are not a fornicator and he was). Because he does not pray, fast, etc., he is unsuitable for you as a husband and as a father to your children (as they may not pray and fast either if their father does not). The fact that he is having ongoing calls with his coworkers and does not care about you makes him unsuitable for you for marriage. You having to support yourself and your kids financially make him unsuitable for you.

You may want to try talking to him first (even by involving your or his family) about that you wish he was more concerned about Allah the teachings of Islam, but if you see there is no hope he would change for the better, I personally see absolutely no basis for you NOT to lawfully divorce your husband. I would recommend it not just for your happiness but for your children’s souls! As their mother, it is your first duty to protect them. Caring for your husband is your reciprocal responsibility to him – and there is nothing (or almost nothing) that he is doing which has earned any such reciprocation. Your children, on the other hand, are your charge; you are directly responsible for their care and upbringing as Muslims, and he is a very serious threat to that responsibility on your part. According to Onislam scholar, divorce is lawful for this very reason.

I hope that you will seriously consider getting away from this man before he does any serious damage to your children. Your children are babies now, but soon, In Sha’ Allah, they will begin imitating your husband (in his failure to practice Islam), and I am sure you do not want them to do that. If you leave him, you can tell them why (he did not fulfill his duties toward Allah and you), and they will be able to understand the validity of that reason easily, In Sha’ Allah.

May Allah make it easy for you whatever you decide to do.

About the Counselor:

Nasira Abdul-Aleem is an American with a BA in English and an MS in Counseling Psychology. Since 2003, she has helped innumerable individuals, couples, and families work through their personal and interpersonal problems. In addition, Nasira's has the resource of many family members who either teach Islam and/or lead communities as their Imams.

Read more →

Are Muslim-Christian Debates Counter-Productive? (Video Answer by Former Catholic Priest)

Are Muslim-Christian public debates about whether Jesus was a human Prophet or the son of God useful for finding the truth and finding common grounds?

Or are they counter-productive in your opinion in view of the bad feelings they create on both sides?

Watch brother Idris Tawfiq’s answer:


Your question is very interesting. So I’ll get around today’s answer by going in a circuitous way.

What you’re asking me is: are debates the best way of speaking to Christians to convince them of the truth of Christianity?

Or are there other ways that are better?

Well, first of all, I ask you to take the example of the shirt that I’m wearing. Now imagine someone who’s never met me before and that person comes to me and says “Oh that shirt doesn’t suit you! You look silly in it!” Well, if I don’t know that person and he tells that I look silly in my shirt, I would take offense and I won’t listen to a word he says.

But if you, my very dear friend, says to me “brother Idris, that shirt you’re wearing it doesn’t really suit you, in fact you look little bit sill in it.” I’ll say “Really? I’ll change it”

You get the idea?

If someone who doesn’t know me says things to me that is close to home I could be very offended by what he’s saying. But someone who is my friend, you know we can tell also these things to our friends. Our friends tell the truth, our friends don’t just say nice things to us.

Sensitivity of Interfaith Dialogues

Now, one of the problems it seems to me in dialogues between religions, interfaith dialogue, inter-religious dialogue… first of all, the word I’m using is “dialogue”.

Dialogue means one person speaks and the other person listens, and then the other person listens and the other person speaks.

That’s a dialogue, two people talk and listen to one another; otherwise they call it “interfaith monologue” where I just talk to the other person and tell him about my religion and he listens.

Now it seems to me this work of interfaith dialogue is very precious and we have to be very careful in the way we pursue it or else we’re going to offend people; it would be like if someone speaks about my mother, they’d better be very careful what they say. You understand?

My friend can say something in a nice way to me and I’ll listen, but a stranger says something about my own mother and I’ll be “what’re you saying?” It’s the same thing with faith. You know, if someone I don’t know criticizes Islam to me, I’ll take offense about what he says immediately. But if maybe a Muslim friend says “well, you know as Muslims we do this” and I would be inclined to say “yes, we do; what can we do about it?”

Well, take then, we have two people from different religions, and two people from two different religions are talking to one another about their faith which is very precious to them. If they don’t know one another well, there are on very shaky ground.

So I’m answering your question with that premise, that’s the bottom line. Interfaith dialogue, discussion about faith between people of different faiths is so important, it’s so precious but we need to be very careful.

Debate or Dialogue?

Now it seems to be in my experience that debating is interesting and fun, you know, who’s going to win the argument and you put forward your reasons and the other person puts forward his or her reasons, and at the end of the debate the audience votes on who gave the best reasons, that’s what the debate is, it’s in the formal sense of the debate.

Sometimes in a debate you have a team, two speakers, or three speakers who speak for the motion, two/three speakers speak against and at the end the audience make up their mind which one was the most convincing.

Well, it seems to me that’s all very well if we talk about which country should enter the European Union, or what is the role of United Nations.

But if you’re discussing faith, if you’re discussing for example a Muslim and a Jew, or discussing the role and the person of Jesus (peace be upon him), well debate seems to me to be inappropriate because in a debate you’re trying to convince the other person that you’re right, and you’re trying to win over the audience by clever arguments to win them to your position, you’re not really interested in listening to what the other person has to say because you believe as a Muslim that Jesus was not God. So in a debate, you don’t really want to listen to the Christian’s view that he was.

Let’s take instead the example of Imam Al-Ghazali. He used to say - and this is very extraordinary - “I’d like to lose an argument.”

What does he mean by that?

Imam Al-Gazali was a man so interested in the truth that he honestly admitted “If my opponent has an argument that is better than mine, I’m happy to lose my argument and to learn something new.” That’s a different approach.

Well, if we’re talking about Jesus (peace be upon him) as the son of God, as Muslims we know because the Quran tells us of a certainty {they crucified him not} (4: 157). We know that he wasn’t the son of God. But whether we can put that to a Christian audience in the form of a debate, a debate is aggressive, a debate is antagonistic, you know, we’re opposing each other with clever arguments. The very nature of debate is that it is confrontational.

The Real Jesus in Edinburgh

I remember once I did an event with the bishop of Edinburgh and it was held in a mosque, in the Edinburgh Central mosque, and the audience was made up of Christians and Muslims (roughly half and half) and the event was called: “Muslims Christians and the Real Jesus”

The bishop of Edinburgh got up and spoke for twenty minutes about what he believed about Jesus, and he said that Jesus was the son of God, who died on the cross, and rose from the third day for the salvation of Mankind. That was his talk. And then I got up and I said “Bishop, it’s very nice what you have to say and I respect your belief, but as a Muslim I reject that belief. As a Muslim, I know that Jesus did not die on the cross because the Quran tells me so”.

Then I spoke about the role of Jesus as a Prophet, as a Messenger of Allah. And at the end we didn’t vote on who was right or wrong; at the end we admitted to one another that we disagreed, but then we embraced and said let’s go for lunch.

It seems to me that a better way for us to know one another’s religion, and maybe even to persuade some people to believe what we believe as Muslims, is not to argue with them, it’s not to debate with them. First of all, it’s to be honest, we’re not pretending. Islam is not threatened by anything, Islam is perfect, that’s what Muslims believe, and we are ashamed of nothing in Islam at all.

Muslims are not perfect by the way. Muslims have made a lot of mistakes but Islam is not threatened by any religion or any creed. Muslims can argue very happily with people who have no religion or any religion. We’re not threatened. You know, people of faith shouldn’t be threatened by one another because we hold so much more in common with one another, than with those secular people who do away with faith altogether.

Listen & Dialogue

So what I’m suggesting to you in answering your question, I’m saying maybe debates are fun, you know they can be exciting, you score a point, you get your position over this one and then at the end you’re the best speaker if you win and everyone feels good. The losing side don’t feel very good because they lost and it made their opinion the losing opinion.

It seems to me in our world, which is torn apart by religious strife; our world needs people to come together, not to come apart. Not to come together and say we all believe the same thing because we don’t; and in dialoging with Christians, we’re not giving up one word of what we believe as Muslims.

But in interfaith dialogue we are listening to good people; we’re talking about people of faith, we’re not talking about tribal religion, we’re not even talking about people fighting over their religion, we’re talking about people of deep faith, who really believe what they’re talking about.

So in interfaith dialogue we listen to what others have to say; so we learn something from them, and then they listen to us, and they are more inclined to listen to us if we’re not attacking them and telling them “Your religion is wrong…”

If, instead, we say “OK, I’ve listened to what you say, but this is what Islam teaches” and then as well, and this is something that we sometimes forget: it’s not just what we say, but it’s when we leave the conversation and by the way we behave that what people would learn about Islam.

So Inshallah, I encourage you to dialogue. Dialogue means to speak and to listen. You know in Islam, people are free in the world to believe whatever they want; {there is no compulsion in religion}; {…to you your religion and to me mine}

But we will convince people of the beauty of Islam by beautiful words, wise preaching, and also by the good way we live our lives.

To watch this video, click here

Read more →

How Islam Deals with Sadness and Worry (Part 4)

And in God Alone Let Believers Put Their Trust

By Aisha Stacey

As we move into the new century, those of us privileged to live above the poverty line are faced with a unique set of challenges.

We have food enough to eat, shelter, and most of us can even afford life’s little luxuries.

Physically we have all that we need, but spiritually and emotionally, we are bereft.

Our minds are filled with sadness and worry. Stress and anxiety mount.

As we gather possessions, we wonder why we are not happy.

As we embark on yet another holiday we feel alone and desperate.

The Purpose of Life

A life that is far removed from God is a sad life indeed. No matter how much money we accumulate, or how grand our house is, if God is not the centre of our lives then happiness will elude us forever. True happiness can only be found when we at least attempt to fulfil our purpose in life.

Human beings exist to worship God. God wants us to be happy, in this life and in the Hereafter, and He has given us the key to real happiness. It is not a secret or a mystery. It is not an enigma or a puzzle, it is Islam.

{And I (God) created not the jinn and humankind except that they should worship Me.} (51:56)

The religion of Islam explains clearly our purpose in life and gives us guidelines to follow to make our search for happiness easier. The Quran and the authentic traditions of Prophet Muhammad are our guide books for a life completely devoid of sadness and worry.

This however does not mean that we will not be tried and tested because God states very clearly in Quran that He will test us. Our lives will be filled with situations that require us to reach out for God and depend upon Him. God promises us that He will reward those who are patient, He asks us to be grateful to Him, and He tells us that He loves those who put their trust in Him.

{...put your trust in God, certainly, God loves those who put their trust in Him.}  (3:159)

{The believers are only those who, when God is mentioned, feel a fear in their hearts and when His Verses (this Quran) are recited unto them, they increase their Faith; and they put their trust in their Lord Alone.}  (8:2)

Life is filled with triumphs and tribulations. Sometimes it is a roller coaster ride. One day our faith is high and sweet, the next it has plummeted and we feel sad and worried.

The way to even out our journey is to trust that God knows what is best for us. Even when seemingly bad things happen, there is a purpose and wisdom behind them. Sometimes the purpose is known only to God, sometimes it is obvious.

Consequently, when we realize that there is no power or strength except from God, we can begin to relax. Prophet Muhammad, may God praise him, once reminded one of his young companions that God was all-powerful and nothing happens without His permission.

Young man, uphold the commands of God, and He will protect you in this life and in the next. Uphold the commands of God and He will help you. When you ask for anything, ask it from God, and if you seek help, seek help from God. 

Know that if people were to unite to do you some benefit, they could benefit you only what God has recorded for you, and if they were to unite to do you some harm, they could harm you only with what God has recorded for you. The pens are withdrawn and the pages are dry.” (At-Tirmidhi, 2516)

Trust in God

When we are mindful of the fact that God has control over all things and that He ultimately wants us to live forever in Paradise, we can begin to leave our sadness and worry behind. God loves us, and wants what is best for us. God has given us clear guidance and He is the Most Merciful, and the Most Forgiving.

If things do not go according to our plan, if we do not see the benefits of the challenges we face in life it can become very difficult not to despair and fall prey to stress and anxiety. At this point, we must learn to trust God.

{If God helps you, none can overcome you; and if He forsakes you, who is there after Him that can help you?  And in God (Alone) let believers put their trust.} (3:160)

{Say: "He is my Lord!  None has the right to be worshipped but He!  In Him is my trust, and to Him will be my return with repentance.} (13:30)

{And we shall certainly bear with patience all the hurt..., and in God (Alone) let those who trust, put their trust.} (14:12)

As believers, our trust in God must be constant, in all situations, good, bad, easy, or difficult. Whatever happens in this world happens by the permission of God.

He provides sustenance and He is able to withdraw it. He is the master of life and death. God determines whether we are rich or poor and whether we are healthy or ill.

We thank God for granting us the ability to strive and to go out and acquire that which is good for us. Whatever our circumstances may be we need to thank and praise God for them.

If need be we must bear our difficulties with patience and above all we must love and trust God.

When life becomes dark and difficult we must love God more; when we are overcome by sadness and worry we must trust God more.

Source: The Religion of Islam web site - http://www.islamreligion.com

Read more →

How Islam Deals with Sadness and Worry (Part 3)

By Aisha Stacey

Being Grateful to God for His Countless Blessings

As fragile human beings, we are often swamped by fears and anxiety.

At times sadness and worry threaten to take over our lives.

These emotions can become so consuming that we forget our primary purpose in life, which is to worship God.

When pleasing God is at the centre of all our thoughts, actions and deeds, then sadness and worry can have no place in our lives.

In the previous article, we discussed about dealing with sadness and worry by striving to be patient. We also talked about counting the blessings God has bestowed upon us as a way of encouraging patience.

Another way of overcoming sadness and worry is by being grateful to God for His countless blessings. God explains in the Quran, that true worshippers are those who are grateful and give thanks.

{Therefore, remember Me (by praying, glorifying, etc.). I will remember you, and be grateful to Me (for My countless Favors on you) and never be ungrateful to Me.} (2:152)

How to Be Grateful?

There are many ways to express gratitude.

The first and foremost way is to worship God in the manner that He has prescribed. The Five Pillars of Islam were  ordained upon us by God and they guide us to worship Him easily. When we fulfill our obligations towards God, just how truly blessed we are becomes obvious.

When we bear witness that there is no god worthy of worship but Allah and that Muhammad is His final messenger we are being grateful for being blessed with Islam. When a believer prostrates before God in quiet, joyful prayer, we are expressing gratitude.

During the fast of Ramadan, we become thankful for food and water by realizing that God provides our sustenance. If a believer is able to make the pilgrimage to the House of God in Makkah, it is indeed a cause for thankfulness.  The Hajj journey can be long, difficult, and expensive. The believer also expresses gratitude by giving charity.

Prophet Muhammad advised his followers to give charity everyday to express gratitude to God for every single joint or faculty in his body. Imam Ibn Rajab, a noted Islamic scholar of the 7th Islamic century said:

Human beings are obligated to give thanks to God every single day for His blessings on them by performing acts of virtue and charity on a daily basis”

If we remember God by reading the Quran and contemplating its meanings, we gain a greater understanding of the life of this world and the hereafter. Consequently, we begin to understand the transient nature of this life and the fact that even the trials and tribulations are blessings from God. God’s wisdom and justice is inherent in even the direst situations.

How often have we heard people with debilitating diseases or terrible disabilities thank God for their conditions, or speak about pain and suffering bringing blessings and goodness into their lives? How often have we listened to others speak about horrific experiences and ordeals, yet continue to thank God?

Our Only Refuge

In times of sadness and worry, when we are feeling alone and distressed, God is our only refuge. When sadness and worry become unbearable, when there is nothing left but, stress, fear, anxiety, and misery, we instinctively turn to God. We know His words are true, we know His promise is true!

{...if you are grateful, I will add more favors unto you.} (14:7)

God knows the wisdom behind why good things happen to bad people, or why bad things happen to good people. In general, whatever causes us to turn to God is good and we should be grateful for it. In times of crisis, people are drawn closer to God, whereas in times of comfort we often forget from where the comfort originated. God is the Provider and He is the Most Generous. God wants to reward us with life everlasting and if pain and suffering can guarantee Paradise, then trials and tribulations are a blessing. Prophet Muhammad said:

If God wants to do good to somebody, He afflicts him with trials.” (Al-Bukhari, 5654)

Prophet Muhammad also said:

No misfortune or disease befalls a Muslim, no worry or grief or harm or distress – not even a thorn that pricks him – but God will expiate for some of his sins because of that.”  (Al-Bukhari, 5640)

We are imperfect human beings. We can read these words, we can even understand the sentiment behind them, but acknowledging the wisdom behind every situation and being grateful for our trials is very difficult.  It is much easier to fall into sadness and worry. However, God, the Most Merciful, gives us clear guidelines and promises two things, if we worship Him and follow His guidance we will be rewarded with Paradise and that with hardship comes ease.

{So verily, with hardship, there is ease.} (94:5)

This verse is part of a chapter of the Quran revealed when difficulties in Prophet Muhammad’s mission were weighing him down and causing him distress. The words of God comforted and reassured him just as they comfort us today. God reminds us that with hardship comes ease. Hardship is never absolute; it is always accompanied by ease. For that, we should be grateful. For that, we need to express our gratitude.

We must accept the trials, triumphs, and tribulations that are part of being alive. Each one of them, from the highest highs to the lowest lows is a blessing from God. A blessing designed uniquely for each individual person.  When we are overcome by sadness or worry we must turn to God, strive to be patient and grateful and put our trust in God. For God is the most trustworthy.

By trusting God, we can overcome any moment of anxiety and conquer any sadness or worry that tries to creep into our lives.

Source: The Religion of Islam web site - http://www.islamreligion.com

Read more →

How Islam Deals with Sadness and Worry (Part 2)

Sadness and worry are part of the human condition, (as detailed in Part 1).

Life is a series of moments. At the two extremes are joyful moments that make our hearts sing with gladness and dark moments that plunge us into sadness and worry.

In between is real life; the highs, the lows, the mundane and boring, the sweetness, and light. It is in these times that the believer must try to establish a connection to God.

The believer must forge a bond that is unbreakable. When the joy of life fills our hearts and minds we must not forget that it is a blessing from God and equally when we are faced with sadness and worry we must realize that this too is from God, even though at first glance we may not see the blessing.

God is the Most Wise and the Most Just. Whatever condition we find ourselves in, and no matter what we are forced to confront, it is imperative that we open our eyes to the fact that God knows what is good for us. Though we shy away from facing our fears and worries, it may be that we hate a thing that is good for us and desire something that can only lead to ruin and damnation.

{...and it may be that you dislike a thing that is good for you and that you like a thing that is bad for you.  God knows but you do not know.} (2:216)

The life of this world was designed by our Creator to maximize our chances of living a blissful life in the Hereafter.  When we face trials, they help us grow and mature into human beings who are able to function effortlessly in this transient world.

God has not abandoned us in face of the temptations and trials we face in this world, He has equipped us with potent weapons.  Three of the most important are patience, gratefulness, and trust.  The great Islamic scholar of the 14th century CE, Ibnul Qayyim said that our happiness in this life and our salvation in the Hereafter depend on patience.

{Verily! I have rewarded them this Day for their patience; they are indeed the ones that are successful.} (23:111)

{...to be firm or patient in pain or suffering, and adversity, and throughout all periods of panic. Such are the people of truth, the God fearing.} (2:177)

The Arabic word for patience is sabr and it comes from a root word meaning to stop, detain, or refrain. In his book (Patience and Gratitude) Ibnul Qayyim explained that having patience meant having the ability to stop ourselves from despairing, to refrain from complaining, and to control ourselves in times of sadness and worry. Prophet Muhammad’s son in law Ali ibn Abu Talib defined patience as “seeking God’s help”.

Whenever we are beset by sadness and worry our first reaction should always be turning to God. By recognizing His Greatness and Omnipotence, we begin to understand that God alone can ease our troubled souls. God Himself advised us to call on Him.

{And (all) the Most Beautiful Names belong to Allah, so call on Him by them, and leave the company of those who belie or deny (or utter impious speech against) His Names.} (7:180)

Prophet Muhammad encouraged us to call on God by all of His most beautiful names. In his own supplications, he is known to have said:

Oh God, I ask you by every name that You have named yourself, or that You have revealed in Your book, or that You have taught any of Your creation, or that You have kept hidden in the unseen knowledge with Yourself.” (Ahmad)

In times of sorrow and stress, contemplating the names of God can bring great relief.  It can also help us focus on being calm and patient.  It is important to understand that although the believer is encouraged not to thrash about in grief and anguish or to complain about the stresses and problems, he is allowed to turn to God and supplicate to Him and to ask Him for relief.

Human beings are frail. Our tears fall, our hearts break and the pain is sometimes almost unbearable.  Even the prophets, whose connection to God was unbreakable, felt their hearts constrict in fear or pain. They too turned their faces to God and begged for relief. However, their complaints were surrounded with pure patience and pure acceptance of whatever fate God had decreed.

When Prophet Jacob despaired of ever seeing his sons Joseph or Benjamin he turned to God, and the Quran tells us that he beseeched God for relief. Prophet Jacob knew that there was no point in raging against the world, he knew that God loves and protects those who are patient.

{He said: ‘I only complain of my grief and sorrow to God, and I know from God that which you know not.’} (12:86)

The Quran also tells us that Prophet Job turned to God begging of His mercy. He was impoverished, stricken with disease, and he lost his family, friends, and livelihood yet he bore all this with patience and forbearance and he turned to God.

{And (remember) Job, when he cried to his Lord, ‘Verily, distress has seized me, and You are the Most Merciful of all those who show mercy.’  So We answered his call, and We removed the distress that was on him, and We restored his family to him (that he had lost), and the like thereof along with them, as a mercy from Ourselves and a Reminder for all who worship Us (God).} (21: 83-4)

Patience means accepting what is beyond our control. In times of stress and anxiety, being able to surrender to the will of God is a relief beyond measure. This does not mean that we sit back and let life pass by.  No!  It means that we strive to please God in all aspects of our life, in our work and play, in our family life and in our personal endeavors.

However, when things don’t go the way we planned or the way we wanted, even when it seems that fears and worries are pushing us under, we accept what God has decreed and continue to strive to please Him.  Being patient is hard work; it does not always come naturally or easily. Prophet Muhammad, may God praise him, said, “Whoever tries to be patient then God will help him to be patient”.

It becomes easy for us to exercise patience when we realize that it is impossible to count all the blessings God has bestowed upon us. The air we breathe, the sunshine on our faces, the wind through our hair, the rain on the parched earth and the glorious Quran, God’s words to us, are all among the innumerable blessings of God upon us.

Remembering God and contemplating His greatness is the key to patience, and patience is a key to Paradise everlasting, God’s greatest blessing for the fragile creatures called humankind.

Read more →

How Islam Deals with Sadness and Worry (Part 1)

By Aisha Stacey

The average human being in the developed world battles sadness and worry on a daily basis.

While the majority of the world’s population confront extreme poverty, famine, conflict and despair, those of us privileged to lead relatively easy lives must tackle fear, stress, and anxiety.

Why are those of us blessed with riches beyond compare immersed in loneliness and desperation?

Stress, Anxiety & Worry

We are living in a time of confusion, we try as we might, yet gathering material possessions can do nothing to mend broken hearts, and shattered souls.

Now, more than at any other time in human kind’s history, stress, anxiety, and psychological problems are taking a tremendous toll on the human condition.

Religious beliefs should afford a sense of comfort however; it seems that 21st century man has lost the ability to connect to God.  Pondering the meaning of life no longer overcomes a feeling of abandonment.  This desire to acquire material possessions, which in some way validates our reason for being, has become the balm that soothes our troubled souls.  Why is this so?

We have the best of everything readily available, yet the reality is we have nothing.  Nothing that comforts the soul.  Beautiful furnishings do not hold our hand in the darkest night.  The latest entertainment centre does not wipe our tears or soothe our furrowed brow.

Those of us living with pain and grief, or afflicted with hardship feel abandoned.  We feel rudderless on an open sea.  Huge waves threaten to engulf us at any given moment.  Our desires and debts stand at the apex and loom over us, like great avenging angels, and we search for comfort in addictions and self-destructive behavior.

How do we step away from the precipice? 

Islam's Answer

In Islam, the answer is remarkably simple.  We turn back to our Creator.

God knows what is best for His creation.  He has complete knowledge of the human psyche.  He knows of the pain, the despair, and the sadness.  God is whom we are reaching for in the darkness.  When we put God back on our agenda, the pain will subside.

{Verily, in the remembrance of God do hearts find rest.} (13:28)

Islam is not a religion filled with empty rituals and hypercritical rules and regulations, although it can seem so if we forget just what our real purpose in life is. We were created to worship God, nothing more and nothing less.

However, God, in His infinite mercy and wisdom did not abandon us to this world filled with trials and tribulations.  He armed us with weapons. These weapons are more powerful than the arsenals of the great 21st century armies.  God gave us the Quran, and the authentic traditions of His Prophet Muhammad.

The Quran is a book of guidance and the traditions of Prophet Muhammad explain that guidance. The religion of Islam is all about making and keeping a connection with God. This is how Islam deals with sadness and worry.  When the wave is about to come crashing down or the world begins to spin out of control God is the one stable factor. The biggest mistake a believer can make is to separate the religious and material aspects of his or her life.

{God has promised those who believe (in the Oneness of God) and do deeds of righteousness, that for them there is forgiveness and a great reward (i.e. Paradise).} (5:9)

When we accept with full submission, that we are no more than slaves of God, put on this earth, to be tried, tested and tempted, life suddenly takes on a completely new meaning. We recognize that God is the one constant in our lives and we recognize that His promise is true. When we are overwhelmed by worry and sadness, relief comes from turning to God. If we live our lives according to His guidance, we gain the means and the ability to overcome any despair.

Prophet Muhammad declared that all the affairs of a believer are good:

Indeed amazing are the affairs of a believer!  They are all for his benefit.  If he is granted ease then he is thankful, and this is good for him.  And if he is afflicted with a hardship, he perseveres, and this is good for him." (Muslim)

Islam has the answer to all the problems that afflict humankind. It asks us to look beyond the need for self-gratification, and further still, beyond the need to acquire possessions. Islam reminds us that this life is but a transient pause on the way to life everlasting. The life of this world is but a fleeting moment, sometimes overflowing with moments of great joy and happiness but at other times filled with sadness, sorrow, and despair.  This is the nature of life, and this is the human condition.

In the following three articles, we will examine guidance from the Quran and the authentic traditions of Prophet Muhammad in an endeavor to discover just how Islam suggests that we deal with sadness and worry.

There are three key points that will allow the believer to free himself from the shackles of 21st century life. They are patience, gratitude, and trust in God. In the Arabic language, sabr, shukr and tawwakul.

{And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to the patient ones.} (2:155)

{Therefore, remember Me (God) and I will remember you, and be grateful to Me (for My countless Favors on you) and never be ungrateful to Me.} (2:152)

{If God helps you, none can overcome you; and if He forsakes you, who is there after Him that can help you?  And in God (Alone) let believers put their trust.} (3:160)

To be continued...

Read more →

Lonely and Depressed? Read This!

Question:

As-salamu `alaykum. I want to raise some awareness. Amongst the Muslim community in the United Kingdom, there seem to be a lot of people suffering from depression and loneliness. This disease is spreading rapidly like an “erupting volcano” amongst many people. I have seen many friends and other people who are suffering from this. Often many feel embarrassed to admit they’re lonely or depressed. I show them my positive attitude to life, but I feel, of course, that this isn’t enough. Can you possibly outline some remedy? Also, shed some light on as to why this is happening in today’s society. I feel some emphasis on this will perhaps give some gauge to those who feel very reluctant to speak out or even ask for help. It’s a neglected issue, especially amongst the British Asian community, as parents don’t even acknowledge the existence of depression and loneliness.

Answer:

Consultant: Daud Matthews

Salam, Mohsin. 

Jazaka Allahu khayran for this question.

It is an extremely important question that all Muslims in this country and elsewhere should face.

It also shows your concern for the health and well-being of your Muslim brothers and sisters, al-hamdu lillah. You certainly seem to have a personal answer; may Allah grant you the best of awards here and in the Hereafter. Ameen.

Perhaps the starting point is to consider how someone ends up depressed and alone. I would suggest we should consider the family as the place where a person first learns moral values. By moral values I am referring not only to sex, but to telling lies and cheating and deceiving. Not every member of some families that have come to the United Kingdom from abroad has always been able to speak good English.

This has led to a partial breakdown of communications within the family. The child growing up has not always been able to communicate his or her problems to the parents. In turn, the parents have not always been able to offer support and advice when needed. This has isolated some family members.

This isolation can show itself in one of two ways. Were the children really raised with Islamic values or not? If they were, going to a mosque would resolve the loneliness, as they would find a way to interact with the community and this would offset any depression.

The real problems occur when there are no Islamic values present and the children, instead of making and keeping contact with the Muslim community, break those ties. It may start with the children smoking secretly. They are seen by drug pushers and then they are on a downhill path. There is no one to help them back. The people they are in touch with are, in fact, making them worse. They are hiding the real problems from their families and often telling lies to cover what they are doing.

The solution is complicated.

First, forced marriages are making this situation worse. The parents don’t care for the children, as the parents’ marriage was forced. We are seeing more and more families break up because of this, and it is the children who suffer. So we should all support arranged marriages but object to forced marriages.

Most Muslim parents are not involved in Parent-Teacher Associations and, therefore, have no real idea as to how the children are behaving at school. The Muslim parents must interact with the schools for the well-being of their children, both through Parent-Teacher Associations and by becoming school governors.

Islam must be taught at home and children should be taught not to tell lies. This means the parents have to set an example. The fathers must go to the mosque and take their sons when they are old enough. Jama`ats (congregational prayers) could be held in the house where the mosque is far from the home.

The older children should be making sure the younger ones are following Islamic values, and again, the older ones should be setting examples.

However, everything cannot be done at home, and it is necessary to make sure that the children have a place to go where they can “chill out.” This would ensure they were in a controlled environment and not simply on the street. Such an environment requires sports facilities—such as gym, pool tables, table tennis tables, badminton courts, punch-bags, weight training facilities, manual weights and a training machine—TV (with sports channel), video games or games consoles, and a media room where Islamic rap and/or nasheeds (enthusiastic Islamic songs) can be played, as well as an outdoor playing area for cricket or football—and soft drinks and sweets. Learning an organized sport like self-defense/martial arts/kick-boxing might also be possible.

There should be a short break in the evenings for Islam. This can take the form of someone telling his or her experiences, discussing problems in the community, or leadership training, etc. Better to be more informal than formal. People who could be role models should be invited to come and talk to the youngsters. These facilities should be available to the boys and girls equally, maybe even on different nights. These facilities could also be used for extra classes where there are students who are underachieving.

Parents are notorious for covering up problems. Today, we have one parent covering for the child—hiding something wrong from the other parent—which is not in the child’s best interests. When the problem becomes so big that it cannot be hidden any longer and then both parents find out the child is having problems, the child is a long way down the downhill slope.

Note: Rap music is having a big negative effect on some Muslim youth. It is really confusing them. They are just about “anti” everything. One possible solution is to try to wean them off rap music either with nasheeds or with Islamic rap.

I hope my answer is helpful.

Thank you and please keep in touch.

Salam.

Read more →

Challenges of Being a Single Woman

Question:

Salam. I have spent a depressed life since my childhood as my parents separated and I was brought up by my mother only. Now I have been suffering due to the obstacles to get married, even though a lot of efforts were made by my mother to find a suitable proposal for me. I am facing taunting behaviors from my family and society. Now it’s getting unbearable for me. Sometimes I think I will not be able to survive anymore. I think about committing suicide and getting rid of all the troubles of my life. I have no siblings and have felt lonely throughout my life. But I cannot live alone the rest of my life because being a single woman is really hard in my society. I feel vulnerable and insecure. How can I survive alone? There is no way for me.

Answer

Counselor: Aisha Mohammed-Swan

As Salamu ‘Alaykum dear sister,

I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. I can hear your pain through your question and it truly makes me sad. It sounds as if your parents’ separation had a huge impact on your life, your emotions as well as your mental health and your ability to connect with others. While I am not clear on your relationship with your dad, or if you even had one, it seems you have been missing a lot of nurturing, affection and acceptance since you were a child. This appears to have had an effect on your self-esteem, self-worth and ability to appreciate the beautiful, intelligent, pious young woman that Allah has created. You stated your family and your society are “taunting you”, which is a very cruel thing to do as well as un-Islamic. They should be ashamed of themselves.

My dear sister, while we cannot go back and change the past, the abuse or trauma you might have suffered, I can only say that we have the power and ability to change our futures. You are only 29 years old. While I understand that in your society that may be “old”, trust me sister, in other societies (many, in fact) it is not old at all. Therefore, your age is just a matter of perspective.

Additionally, you have many options in life. You just need the confidence and creativity to explore them. I would kindly ask you to take an inventory of who you are! Make a list of all your good qualities; I suggest no less than 10. Then make a list of all the things you would like to learn, study. Make a third list of your dreams and aspirations and review them daily. I would like for you to in sha' Allah begin to see yourself for who you truly are and not for the things that are missing (dad, siblings, etc), or the things you once wished for. Rather, create a bright new future based on what you want to do and accomplish. That is where the lists come in. The lists will help you sort out your feelings and build up your self-esteem and confidence as you write down your good attributes, your blessings and aspirations. There is something empowering about seeing all your good points and goals written out. If read them daily, they become part of us while the “old parts” from our past, which were formulated by negative messages, begin to fall away, and we can begin to shine.

I realize you want to get married. However, in sha' Allah sister, I urge you to do this “self” work first before pursuing a marriage. It is like when you find a lovely little flower bud, you must give it water and sunshine and pluck away the surrounding weeds in order for it to grow, open its lovely petals and blossom. People are a lot like that, too, and since it appears you were not nurtured to that point yet, you must do it yourself. Many young women such as you have had to do that. There are no perfect families. In fact, some families are downright dangerous for children and should be dismantled. Alhumdulillah, you have grown into a wonderful young woman, you just need to realize it. It also seems that your mom did take good care of you, despite your need of other things to feel whole. She did her best with the circumstances she was given. My point concerning the flower bud is that when you present yourself to a potential husband, you want to present the glorious flower in full bloom, not the tiny bud that is not ready yet!

With this said, I pray to Allah that you will begin to grow and bloom into your full purpose and internal beauty. It will take some work to develop your self-esteem and feelings of self worth, but I am confident you can do it. I believe in you. Once you begin to ignore the hurtful words of others and hold your head high, once you begin to love yourself, you will find a whole new world opening up to you. You may want to go to a university, you may want to travel or visit another country, or you may want to do charity work in your community. You may find that you want to join Islamic study groups for learning or Islamic social groups for enjoyable times. The possibilities are endless. How? Well, the fact is the more we get involved with life, with stepping out of our “comfort zone” and trusting Allah to guide us in new experiences, the more new doors open and the better opportunity we have to make lasting friendships, to develop new interests - and to meet our future husband!

Dear sister, you know suicide is not the answer. You know it is a sin as well. I believe you love and fear Allah (SWT) too much to do such an act, and I believe you are better, stronger, and more resilient than that. You will not be alone the rest of your life. You will blossom into the beautiful flower filled with confidence and joy. Make du’aa’, ask Allah to guide you on this new journey, stay close to Allah (SWT) for He does love you sister very much. However, should suicidal thoughts become strong, please promise us you will wait, pray, and call the suicide prevention hotline. Also, BeFriendersWorldwide is an organization which provides many free services for those who are depressed, feeling suicidal or otherwise in crisis. Their website states “The main aim of the centers is to give emotional support to people when they are suicidal. The centers also alleviate misery, loneliness, despair and depression by listening to anyone who feels they have nowhere else to turn. The people who run the centers - befrienders - are volunteers who have all been specially trained. The work is non-political and non-religious, and volunteers do not try to impose their convictions on anyone. They simply listen. The fact that someone has been in contact with a center - whether by telephone, letter, email or in a face-to-face meeting - is strictly confidential. So too is everything that the person tells a befriender. Some callers prefer to remain anonymous - and that's fine”. So sister, I do encourage you to use both resources if you feel suicidal, depressed or lonely, or just need someone to talk to. You can request a female Befriender.

Lastly, I kindly ask that you seek out the services of a counselor for this new journey in sha' Allah. Counseling will help with your depression as well as helping you continue to make progress when you feel like giving up. A counselor can also be a good referral system for support groups and other needs you may have.

You are in our prayers dear sister, please let us know how you are doing. Remember, you will not be alone, this is just a life test, a phase. You will emerge from this seemingly dark cocoon into the light as a beautiful butterfly – strong and grateful to Allah (SWT) that you passed this test of not only struggle, but a test of your faith as well.

Read more →

Looking With Desire at the Opposite Sex

Question:

As-Salamu `alaykum! I hope you could shed light on the issue of looking with desire at the opposite sex. Jazakum Allah khyran.

Answer

Consultant: On Islam Fatwa Editing desk 

Wa `alaykum As-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

 In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

 All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.

Dear brother in Islam, we commend your eagerness to become well-acquainted with Islam and its teachings, which is the way Allah has chosen for the welfare of His servants.
As for your question, you have to bear in mind the fact that Islam cares for the welfare and honor of people to the extent that it prohibits the mere look at the opposite sex with lust.

In his well-known book, The Lawful and the Prohibited in Islam, the prominent Muslim scholar, Sheik Yusuf Al-Qaradawi, states,

What Islam prohibits in the sphere of sex includes looking at a member of the opposite sex with desire; for the eye is the key to the feelings, and the look is a messenger of desire, carrying the message of fornication or adultery.

This is why Allah Almighty has commanded the believing men and the believing women alike to lower their gazes together with His command to guard their sexual parts: (Tell the believing men that they should lower their gazes and guard their sexual organs; that is purer for them. Indeed, Allah is well-acquainted with what they do. And tell the believing women that they should lower their gazes and guard their sexual organs, and not display their adornment, except that which is apparent of it; and that they should draw their head-coverings over their bosoms, and not display their adornment except to their husbands or their fathers or their husbands' fathers, or their sons or their husbands' sons, or their brothers or their brothers' sons or their sisters' sons, or their women, or those whom their right hands possess, or male servants who lack sexual desire, or children who are not aware of women's nakedness; and that they should not strike their feet in order to make known what they hide of their adornment.) (An-Nur 24: 30-31)

Several divine injunctions are contained in these two verses. Two of them pertain to both men and women, namely, the lowering of the gaze and the guarding of the sexual organs, while the rest are addressed exclusively to women.

A difference is to be noted here between the expressions, 'lower their gazes' and 'guard their sexual organs,' signifying that while the sexual organs must be totally guarded without any leeway, the lowering of the gaze is only partial, because necessity and the general interest of the people require that some looking at members of the opposite sex be allowed.

'Lowering the gazes' does not mean that in the presence of the opposite sex the eyes should be shut or that the head should be bowed toward the ground, since this would be impossible; in another place the Qur'an says, 'Lower your voice' (Luqman 31: 19), which does not mean sealing the lips. Here, 'lowering of the gazes' means to avert one's gaze from the faces of the passers-by and not to caress the attractive features of the members of the opposite sex with one's eyes. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) told `All ibn Abi Talib, 'Ali, do not let a second look follow the first. The first look is allowed to you but not the second.' (Reported by Ahmad, Abu Dawud, and at-Tirmidhi)

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) considered hungry and lustful looks at a person of the opposite sex as 'the zina (adultery or fornication) of the eye,' according to his saying, 'The eyes also commit zina, and their zina is the lustful look." (Reported by al-Bukhari)

He termed the lustful look zina because it gives sexual pleasure and gratification in an unlawful way. This is also what Jesus (peace and blessings be upon him) is reported to have said in the Gospel of Matthew: You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery'. But I say to you that everyone who so much as looks at woman with evil desire for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. (Matt. 5:2728)

Indeed, such hungry and lustful looks are not merely a danger to chastity but they also result in agitation of the mind and disturbed thoughts.

Allah Almighty knows best.

Read more →

Marriage at a Young Age: Love or Impulse?

Question:

Assalam-U-Alaikum. I met a boy who is a year Older than me we were in the same class. He caught my eye because he was different. He never looked at other girls or showed off in front of them. I noticed whenever Azaan time came He got up and left to pray. Even during papers. Even though we never talked till then he inspired me to pray I started off with one prayer and Alhumdulillah now I read 5 daily prayers.

Coming from a religious Family I used to hate it when my parents constantly forced me to pray or do Hijab. I found it extremely annoying. Purely it was a coincidence we had to talk we had a project together But I was amazed he never once looked at me. I love the way his Emaan showed. I once confessed to him that I find it annoying you should look at me when I talk that was the first time I saw him look in my eyes He said I am a human being I am a Muslim. I don't want to lose my control. I was shocked when he said that so openly. I asked him to tell me more about Islam. He came alive when he talked about it. He always tried to keep distance from me though. Telling me it was wrong but I forced him.

I became a better person with him. I started learning and understanding the Quran with translation. I confessed to him I love him. I really do because he bought me back on the straight path Alhumdulillah! He told me the only way was Nikah. He started avoiding me after my confession. I am going crazy. I really want to marry him and he also wants to but he said we cannot continue this way. Relationships are wrong and yes it is. We discussed our options our Parents are not agreeing for us to get married early. It’s frustrating. He nor I can go on like this. We want to get married so we can stay away from Haram things.

We don't want Allah to get angry at us. One thing can lead to another. If we get married without our parents knowing but with the Wali and All other Nikah conditions satisfied? Will our Nikah be real? I even did Istikhara and have a good feeling about him. Please give me advice on how to handle this situation. Keeping in my mind I don’t want to lose him and want to get married as soon as we can. Plus my parents are not agreeing. I don’t care if I am young or he is not settled yet (We both just started University). Even Hazrat Ayesha got married at a very young age. Jazakillah

Answer

Consultant: AAI Editorial Staff

Wa Alaykum Assalam Dear Sister,

Thank you so much for sending your question and trying to seek knowledge. We pray that you are calm now and the distress that was sensed through your words have now calmed down a bit.

We also pray that Allah (SWT) would expand your chest, descend peace and serenity upon your heart and give you wisdom to see matters clearly and make mature decisions.

Now, we have two issues to deal with here. First issue has to do with your parents and the acceptance of an early marriage. Second issue has to do with your own readiness and proper conduct as an honorable Muslimah trying to live righteously on the path of Allah (SWT).

With regards to your parents, several scholars have discussed the issue of allowing young couples to get married if they are: mature enough, upon good deen, ready mentally/spiritually/physically and have necessary means to live a dignified life.

OnIslam recently shared this talk by Mufti Ismail Menk in which he addresses that. You can share this with your parents as well if it would help them see the matter from a different perspective.

On the other hand, a few things you mentioned were a bit worrying.

You mentioned how the brother “caught your eyes” and that you’ve been paying great attention to him, noticing his moves and acts. One can’t help but mention that as a matter of principle, dignity and consciousness of Allah (SWT), a Muslim woman ought to lower her gaze, Sister.

{And tell the believing women to reduce [some] of their vision} (Quran: Chapter 24, Verse 31)

This command- in a sense- is made to protect us from being carried away with emotions and desires that are not directed in the right place or cannot be fulfilled immediately, thus leaving us in great distress and trouble.

You then mentioned that you started praying when you saw that person pray. The question here is, are we praying sincerely and lovingly to Allah (SWT) Himself out of knowledge and faith, or just following someone else we’ve gotten attached to?

Pay attention to this hadith:
Allah (glorified and exalted be He) said: I am so self-sufficient that I am in no need of having an associate. Thus he who does an action for someone else's sake as well as Mine will have that action renounced by Me to him whom he associated with Me.” (40 Hadith Qudsi)

This is a serious issue. Sincerity to Allah (SWT) is a main component of this religion. Our hearts ought to be fully directed towards Allah (SWT) Owner of all that exists, Creator of all that exists. He is the Source, anything else we’re attached to is simply a mean, but He remains the Source, and the Ultimate Desire and Ultimate Destination.  We need to remember that.

Now, we know that prayer- sincere prayer that has khusho’ (humility and focus) - brings serenity and {Indeed, prayer prohibits immorality and wrongdoing}(Quran: Chapter 29, Verse 45)
But then you went on saying that while you prayed, you also did acts like “forcing” the brother not to keep proper distance with you. That’s not right. While you admire him being a righteous brother, we need to act like righteous sisters as well.

Forcing a brother who’s trying to lower his gaze and control himself, getting him involved in wrong acts that he initially refused, persistent pressure on him until starting a relationship in a non-halal way—all of that is not exactly the best way to start a relationship that is pleasing to Allah (SWT).
We want nothing but the best for you, and may Allah satisfy your heart and bring you the utmost best of this world and the next.  We sincerely pray for that, my sister. But we also need to be honest with ourselves. We also need to ask Allah (SWT) for forgiveness for any wrongdoing that we’ve committed.

And know, my sister, that what is wrong doesn’t lead to what’s right, and haramacts don’t lead to halal relationships. So this is something we need to remember and acknowledge so that Allah (SWT) would put barakah (blessing and prosperity) into your marriage—should you end up marrying this brother.

Now, you also said that the brother helped you come back to the straight path. Remember that this straight path is ultimately about reaching Allah (SWT). Marriage is a means to reach Allah (SWT), but it is not the only means to do so.

We advise you to seek knowledge about your deen; attend lectures, listen to lectures online, be in the company of righteous sisters, and learn more about Allah and His attributes and His Greatness and about the Messenger and his manners and his pure path.

All of this is necessary because your deen is not entirely dependent on your relationship with one person. At the end, everything upon Earth will vanish, and there will remain the Face of Allah (SWT). So, be reminded of that in order to have your priorities in life straight, insha’Allah.
We should definitely seek righteous husbands. But we need to also make sure that we are righteous wives who are sincerely devout to Allah because only He can set our life straight and bring us what is good in this life and the next.

Finally, we advise you to do the following:

1. With regards to marrying secretly or without witnesses or without your wali, we really advice you against this. Please read this short scholarly answer to get a trusted opinion on the matter.
2. We advise you to make dua (supplication) to Allah (SWT) to facilitate the right path for you and guide you to the best in this life and the next.

Remember that the hearts of all people, whether the one you love or your own parents, are all in the hands of Allah (SWT). The Messenger (peace be upon him) said:

Verily, the hearts of all the sons of Adam are between the two fingers out of the fingers of the Compassionate Lord as one heart. He turns that to any (direction) He likes.” (Sahih Muslim)

So Allah could change hearts of people. He could change hearts of your parents to accept this matter—if Allah wills and if in fact this matter carries goodness for you in this life and the next.

3.   Read more about marriage in Islam, what is halal to do and what makes or breaks relationships.
4.   Either you or the brother could approach the imam of the masjid in your community (or any authority figure your parents trust) in order to help you talk to your parents about the permissibility of early marriages.

5.  Finally, no matter how this issue ends up, remember those words of the Messengers of Allah:
Ibn Abbas (May Allah be pleased with them) said:

One day, I was riding behind the Prophet (peace be upon him) when he said, "O boy! I will instruct you in some matters. Be watchful of Allah (Commandments of Allah), He will preserve you. Safeguard His Rights, He will be ever with you. If you beg, beg of Him Alone; and if you need assistance, supplicate to Allah Alone for help. And remember that if all the people gather to benefit you, they will not be able to benefit you except that which Allah had foreordained (for you); and if all of them gather to do harm to you, they will not be able to afflict you with anything other than that which Allah had pre-destined against you. The pens had been lifted and the ink had dried up". (At- Tirmidhi)

Finally, as ask Allah (SWT) to make matters easy for you and to guide you to all that is halal and pure and prevent you from any harm. Please take it easy on yourself, seek the help of Allah (SWT), and insha’Allah, Allah, The All Knowing will bring only the best your way.
I hope this helps address your concerns.

Salam and please keep in touch.
bgggh

Read more →

Rely on Allah, and do not give up

Prophet Muhammad said: “Strive for what benefits you and rely on Allah, and do not give up. If something befalls you, do not say: ‘If I had only done such and such.’ Instead say: ‘It is as Allah decreed and He does what He pleases’.” [Sahīh Muslim]

When Prophet Muhammad said: “Strive for what benefits you…” he was encouraging us to hasten in seizing the positive opportunities that come our way.

When he added: “… and rely on Allah…”, he was showing us that we should draw upon our faith in order to strengthen ourselves in our efforts.

This is why the Prophet did not stop there. He continued by saying: “… and do not give up.”

How can anyone give up on the fuel of one’s spirit and the embers of one’s faith?

Finally, he concluded by saying: “If something befalls you, do not say: ‘If I had only done such and such.’ Instead say: ‘It is as Allah decreed and He does what He pleases’.” [Sahīh Muslim]

Faith is not blind, nor is it a form of resignation and a denial of our great human potential. It does not mean we should spend our time lamenting in the ruins of the past and reject change. Instead, faith is our certainty that good is wherever Allah places it, and that every day you bring forth a new dream, a new hope, and a new success.

A young man once asked me about a book entitled The Secret by Australian author Rhonda Byrne. His question compelled me to buy it and read it. I took it with me and read it on some of my travels. It presents the idea that we must encourage ourselves to be optimistic, proactive, and believe that what we want can happen; indeed that it will be reality as soon as we utter it, believe it in our hearts, and rid ourselves of our pessimistic thoughts. People have to focus their minds and thinking on what they want and what must be, instead of on what they fear and detest.

This idea reminded me of something that Ibn al-Qayyim said: “If a servant relies on Allah as He out to be relied upon regarding moving a mountain off its base, then if that person is required to move a mountain, he will do so.”

I found that the basic idea of The Secret is one that we need to instil in ourselves, without dissipating its spirit by debating its finer details. This is because the book’s basic idea is in reality one of the prime motivators for productive work and fortitude.

She says hundreds of things in her book trying to explain the detailed implications and patterns of her ideas, but they really introduce only two or three new concepts. One of these concepts is reflected in something Prophet Muhammad quotes his Lord as saying: “I am as my servant thinks of Me, so think of Me how you wish.” In some narrations, it continues: “If he thinks well of Me, it is for his benefit, and if he thinks ill of Me, it is to his detriment.”

The expectations being referred to here pertain to this world as well the Hereafter. Good thoughts lead to good actions and good expectations lead to productive work. When we want to take hold of a new idea, we do not want to undermine it by over-thinking it, dissecting it, and qualifying it with exceptions. If we do that, it will sputter away and die. Once the idea is firmly in mind, it becomes easier to modify it and improve upon it.

The second new idea she introduces is expressed in the hadīth where the Prophet said: “When you beseech Allah, you should be certain that He will answer.” [Sunan al-Tirmidhī]

What this means is that when we call upon Allah in prayer, we should know in our hearts that He will answer us. We should not supplicate with an attitude of experimentation or with feelings of doubt and scepticism.

`Umar used to say: “I do not worry about my prayers being answered, but about what I am going to pray for, because if I pray for something, its answer comes with it.”

These are among `Umar’s many inspired words. He is not only referring to deciding what to say in his supplications, which is in itself a good and blessed concern; he is speaking about something more profound: the need for our hearts and minds to have full trust in Allah and His promise.

Allah says: “Call upon me; I will answer you.” [Sūrah Ghāfir: 60]

And He says: “Who is it that answers the one in need when he calls out?” [Sūrah al-Naml: 62]

And He says: “When my servant asks you about me, I am near. I answer the supplications of those who beseech me.” [Sūrah al-Baqarah: 186]

Dark thoughts are enough to hurl us into dark places, as dank and stifling as we can imagine. It is as is we are hastening on death with our pessimistic thoughts. It is no surprise that pessimistic people in their psychological isolation, often appeal for death to hasten itself, and they lash out those who prevent them from attaining the only “relief” they can see in their lives.

The Prophet was once asked: “Who are the best people?” He replied: “Those who live long and do the best deeds.” [Sunan al-Tirmidhī]

He also said: “None of you should ever wish for death. Never pray for it before it comes to you of its own accord. When you die, your deeds come to an end, and a believer’s life is never prolonged except for good.” [Sahīh al-Bukhārī and Sahīh Muslim]

Life is a blessing which Allah bestows upon the living. It was the Prophet’s habit that when he woke up, he would thank Allah and say: “Praise be to Allah who revived us after causing us to die and to Him is the final gathering.” [Sahīh al-Bukhārī and Sahīh Muslim]

The Prophet’s guidance is not just a provision for the next life, but for this one as well.

Source: islamtoday.net

Read more →

Allah is beautiful and He loves beauty

Some people who seek to be pious tend to underrate the value of beauty. They fail to recognize that beauty is an Islamic value. Allah intended for His Creation to contain beauty.

Allah says: “And He created the cattle for you; you have in them warm clothing and (many) advantages, and of them do you eat. And you have a sense of pride and beauty in them as ye drive them home in the evening, and as ye lead them forth to pasture in the morning.” [Sūrah al-Nahl: 5-6]

He says: “And (He has created) horses, mules, and donkeys, for you to ride and use as an ornament for show; and He has created (other) things of which you have no knowledge.” [Sūrah al-Nahl: 8]

Elsewhere in the Qur’ān, Allah speaks about the beauty of the heavens, the stars, of gardens and myriad other things.

Beauty stands in opposition to ugliness. Allah is beautiful in His essence, in His names and attributes, and in His actions. This is why the greatest of all pleasures in Paradise is to look upon Allah’s countenance. Allah says: “That day will faces be resplendent, looking to their Lord” [Sūrah al-Qiyāmah: 22-23]

Allah refers to His names as being beautiful: “Allah's are the most beautiful names.” [Sūrah al-A`rāf: 180]

Likewise, His actions are beautiful. They are always within the context of His beneficence and grace, or His justice and wisdom. His actions are never in vain, never unjust, and never superfluous. “Perfected is the Word of your Lord in truth and justice.” [Sūrah al-An`ām: 115]

Allah created everything with proficiency and He created the human being in the best of forms.

The beauty that exists in Creation – on land and at sea and in the heavens – attests to Allah’s beauty as well as His power. He who created beauty is most entitled to beauty. And indeed Paradise is adorned with beauty beyond imagining.

Allah’s beauty is also beyond our imagining. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) beseeched Allah with the following prayer: “I unable to extol all of Your praises. You are as You have extolled Yourself.” [Sahīh Muslim (486)]

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) also said: “His is a veil of light. If He were to remove it, the glory of His countenance would ignite everything of Creation as He looks upon it.” [Sahīh Muslim (179)]

Our faith in Allah’s beauty strengthens our connection with our Lord. It increases our love for Him and our longing to return to Him. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) used to offer the following prayer: “I ask of You the joy of looking on Your noble countenance and of my longing to be with You.” [Sunan al-Nasā’ī (1305)]

Our faith in Allah’s beauty should also encourage us to concern ourselves with our appearance, dress, and decorum, as well as with the beauty of our words and deeds. This is something that Allah wants from us.

Someone once approached the Prophet (peace be upon him) and asked: “What if someone likes that his clothing and his shoes are beautiful?” The Prophet (peace be upon him) replied: “Allah loves to see the affects of His grace upon His servant.” [Sunan al-Tirmidhī (2819)]

The Prophet’s Companions, following the example that the Prophet set for them, took care of their appearance.

When the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Allah is beautiful and He loves beauty,” this means that Allah blesses us for the beauty that we bring about through our good efforts. He loves beauty in us, just as He loves us to be possessed knowledge, generosity, clemency and purity.

We have already mentioned that beauty is among the purposes of Allah’s Creation.

Allah says: “Is not He (best) Who created the heavens and the Earth, and sends down for you water from the sky wherewith We cause to spring forth beautiful orchards, whose trees it never has been yours to cause to grow?” [Sūrah al-Naml: 60]

“Surely We have made whatever is on the earth an embellishment for it, so that We may try them (as to) which of them is best in works.” [Sūrah al-Kahf: 7]

“Know you (all), that the life of this world is but play, amusement, and embellishment.” [Sūrah al-Hadīd: 20]

Allah had given His prophet Joseph (peace be upon him) half of all human beauty. [Sahīh Muslim (162)] Likewise, Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) was blessed with a bright complexion and a handsome face, not to mention the beauty of his character as seen in his politeness, humility, patience, kindness and forbearance even with those who actively opposed him and the religion of Islam.

Source: IslamToday.net

Read more →