As-salamu `alaykum. I want to raise some awareness. Amongst the Muslim community in the United Kingdom, there seem to be a lot of people suffering from depression and loneliness. This disease is spreading rapidly like an “erupting volcano” amongst many people. I have seen many friends and other people who are suffering from this. Often many feel embarrassed to admit they’re lonely or depressed. I show them my positive attitude to life, but I feel, of course, that this isn’t enough. Can you possibly outline some remedy? Also, shed some light on as to why this is happening in today’s society. I feel some emphasis on this will perhaps give some gauge to those who feel very reluctant to speak out or even ask for help. It’s a neglected issue, especially amongst the British Asian community, as parents don’t even acknowledge the existence of depression and loneliness.
Answer:
Consultant: Daud Matthews
Salam, Mohsin.
Jazaka Allahu khayran for this question.
It is an extremely important question that all Muslims in this country and elsewhere should face.
It also shows your concern for the health and well-being of your Muslim brothers and sisters, al-hamdu lillah. You certainly seem to have a personal answer; may Allah grant you the best of awards here and in the Hereafter. Ameen.
Perhaps the starting point is to consider how someone ends up depressed and alone. I would suggest we should consider the family as the place where a person first learns moral values. By moral values I am referring not only to sex, but to telling lies and cheating and deceiving. Not every member of some families that have come to the United Kingdom from abroad has always been able to speak good English.
This has led to a partial breakdown of communications within the family. The child growing up has not always been able to communicate his or her problems to the parents. In turn, the parents have not always been able to offer support and advice when needed. This has isolated some family members.
This isolation can show itself in one of two ways. Were the children really raised with Islamic values or not? If they were, going to a mosque would resolve the loneliness, as they would find a way to interact with the community and this would offset any depression.
The real problems occur when there are no Islamic values present and the children, instead of making and keeping contact with the Muslim community, break those ties. It may start with the children smoking secretly. They are seen by drug pushers and then they are on a downhill path. There is no one to help them back. The people they are in touch with are, in fact, making them worse. They are hiding the real problems from their families and often telling lies to cover what they are doing.
The solution is complicated.
First, forced marriages are making this situation worse. The parents don’t care for the children, as the parents’ marriage was forced. We are seeing more and more families break up because of this, and it is the children who suffer. So we should all support arranged marriages but object to forced marriages.
Most Muslim parents are not involved in Parent-Teacher Associations and, therefore, have no real idea as to how the children are behaving at school. The Muslim parents must interact with the schools for the well-being of their children, both through Parent-Teacher Associations and by becoming school governors.
Islam must be taught at home and children should be taught not to tell lies. This means the parents have to set an example. The fathers must go to the mosque and take their sons when they are old enough. Jama`ats (congregational prayers) could be held in the house where the mosque is far from the home.
The older children should be making sure the younger ones are following Islamic values, and again, the older ones should be setting examples.
However, everything cannot be done at home, and it is necessary to make sure that the children have a place to go where they can “chill out.” This would ensure they were in a controlled environment and not simply on the street. Such an environment requires sports facilities—such as gym, pool tables, table tennis tables, badminton courts, punch-bags, weight training facilities, manual weights and a training machine—TV (with sports channel), video games or games consoles, and a media room where Islamic rap and/or nasheeds (enthusiastic Islamic songs) can be played, as well as an outdoor playing area for cricket or football—and soft drinks and sweets. Learning an organized sport like self-defense/martial arts/kick-boxing might also be possible.
There should be a short break in the evenings for Islam. This can take the form of someone telling his or her experiences, discussing problems in the community, or leadership training, etc. Better to be more informal than formal. People who could be role models should be invited to come and talk to the youngsters. These facilities should be available to the boys and girls equally, maybe even on different nights. These facilities could also be used for extra classes where there are students who are underachieving.
Parents are notorious for covering up problems. Today, we have one parent covering for the child—hiding something wrong from the other parent—which is not in the child’s best interests. When the problem becomes so big that it cannot be hidden any longer and then both parents find out the child is having problems, the child is a long way down the downhill slope.
Note: Rap music is having a big negative effect on some Muslim youth. It is really confusing them. They are just about “anti” everything. One possible solution is to try to wean them off rap music either with nasheeds or with Islamic rap.
I hope my answer is helpful.
Thank you and please keep in touch.
Salam.
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